And yet... and yet

...

Power Over Your Problems

You gotta take responsibility for your own problems, it's not saying every problem is your fault but saying every problems' solution is up to you.

As long as you blame everything or everyone else you are saying 'I am powerless and the solution is at the mercy of others and/or circumstances

The most empowering thing you can do is own your problems so you have power to control solutions.

The vague is much more dangerous

Quantifiable sins are judged harsher than non quantifiable misdemeanours, but the latter is much more devastating, destructive and deadly - these are very rarely resolved as no one can really grasp what actually is the problem.

A true example would be difficult as I would try to explain a non quantifiable example and if i succeeded in explaining, it would actually be
quantifiable... but think of it like this, a non
quantifiable sin all you can see is the symptoms but can't diagnose the disease.

Is it really that simple?

'Simple' is not always defined by the process or procedure, rather it's the perception and acknowledgment of focus.

A question is more powerful than a statement

Do you have to answer a question asked to you? If not,  how do you not without being a political parrot.
Does that mean there is power in the question,  people are forced to acknowledge you if you ask them a question? Could you find a way to ask a question to get them to say what you want?
Power in the question especially if silence is not an option.

Me Vs Me - Don't Believe Everything You Think

Go Away, Come Back, Go Away, Come Back

Maybe you've wanted a relationship for so long,  but once you pretty much have one,  do really want it anymore?
That's not as crazy as it sounds...  Most of us would rather be unhappy than uncertain...  The world we know - as painful as is - is familiar, comfertable and safe - you may not be happy with it but uncertainty is terrifying, it's probably been a while since a relationship truly made you feel happy (for some that's never)... It's putting your hand on the hot plate,  you get burned and you either have to be incredibly brave or incredibly stupid to do it over and over again...  The crazy thing about love is,  sometimes it doesn't burn, it feels good and makes you happy... Risk verses reward. It's a gamble,  only you can decide if it's worth it or not.

Being Right

Am I right because I convinced them I'm right,  or am I actually right? ...  Does it matter? Should it matter?

Do Ignorant People Know They Are Ignorant?

I read one of those quotes or lessons in the form of a picture/infograph and it said

>>>THINGS PEOPLE DO NOT CHOOSE:

*SEXUAL ORIENTATION
*MENTAL ILLNESS
*GENDER IDENTITY
*DISABILTY
*RACE

>>>THINGS PEOPLE DO CHOOSE:

*TO BE IGNORANT AND JUDGE

GET EDUCATED!!!

produced by Mental Health Awareness Australia

I like this,  but I don't know if the last point is true... 
Ignorance definition: lacking knowledge or awareness in general; uneducated or unsophisticated.
And judging definition: form an opinion or conclusion about

You can't choose your 'development guardians', the teaching and experiences they provide is what's known as conditioning.  It's like the Stephen Fry intelligence sliding scale...  If you ask someone if they are intelligent,  an unintelligent person will say yes while an intelligent person has the intelligence to know how little they know and will answer no. How do you know what you don't know? What's my point?
I don't think a lot of people do choose to be ignorant, because they don't know they are,  if they knew,  it's not ignorance, isn't it implied by the meaning "not knowing" and judging is exactly what every human being does, by definition,  'form an opinion or conclusion about...' when and how did any of us get to the opinions or conclusions we have? Yes of course they have more of the possibility of opportunity to choose, than the more 'hard-wired descriptions' (race etc) but a choice is only in existence when there is multiple possibilities and that can only exist if recognised.  So if you can't recognise because of genetics (intelligence/chemical make up),  cultural or social reinforcements and especially conditioning,  then isn't it possible that there is no capacity for choice for SOME people especially if never had the opportunity to be taught by someone who can speak their 'language'?
Maybe the choice is not with them,  but with us? If we stop to ask why is someone 'ignorant' when it seems so obvious to us (and others) than as the knowing ones,  isn't it our responsibility to educate? It would be a laughable notion that the student tells the teacher what they will learn,  yet I feel like that's what we are asking 'ignorant' people to do "you should get educated" we say. If we think that they should do as we do, take our word for it and not give them a reason to change,  aren't we just as 'ignorant' as them? Find a way to get to know why they came to the conclusions they did and find out their fears,  their motivations, their knowledge of what they do and don't know, their identity might have been chosen for them a long time ago. There's plenty of things we think we know and stay with that until presented with new information, time, a new feeling, abstract proof, major event or just sheer persistence and reinforcements... Because how do we know what we don't know? ... You know :-p

If anyone disagrees, that's OK,  I'd like to get to understand your point of view because you might teach me something I didn't know or didn't consider :-)

Men Vs Women, where both are winners!

we need to teach our sons the difference between:

a woman who compromises him and a woman who will compromise with him

a woman who will stand on him and a woman who will stand with him

a woman in need of a parent and woman in need of a partner

a woman who expects everything from him and a woman who respects everything about him

Then we need to teach our daughter's to be that women.

Men V Women.
How to tell when it's a fair point? Reverse the genders...  If the advice is both true and powerful regardless of if it's directed at male or female...  It is not about gender, rather about humanity

The difference between collective and individual.
A man rapping a women is an individual action, the attitude towards it is collective.
A women belittles a man to the point of suicide is individual action, our response is collective. Both are important,  but to swap is deadly
A man who raped a women turning into a collective is men can't be trusted, all are potential rapists...  Then a man defends that he and others like him are a good guy with the swap,  he is now and individual which means he holds no weight or authority only making him and his kind more guilty.

We may never get rid of individuals actions,  but our goal as a collective is to be surprised about male / female inequality, to be surprised when a man does something to a women (or the other way round) that we are surprised and shocked that a women got attacked at night in a park by herself...  Let's be surprised as a collective that a man does something bad against a women.

Therapy Explained In One Paragraph

We don't go to therapy because you are weak,  you go because you are strong.
What's the difference if you talk about it or not?
We vary rarely think in linear but to talk forces us to give the thought a beginning middle and an end. This makes as feel more control,  less fearful and makes the problem seem like less of a big deal because it is graspable. Imagine you see something in the dark,  it has a shape, a presence, it freaks you out - why does it freak you out? Because there are an infinite amount of possibilities including many threatening and dangerous possibilities... Turn the light on...  It's a cat. By shining a light on a million possibilities it sometimes becomes very obvious very quickly. Therapy shines a light on things inside your own mind, giving you a chance to see something that may not have been obvious before,  lost in the darkness of swirling thoughts and feelings...  The best thing is,  it's not the therapist that shines the light on these things,  but you,  they just help you find the light switch.

How To Worry Productively

Why do we worry? Is it to try and plan and anticipate a situation?
You can either plan,  or you have enough experience not to, both make you equipped for the pending situation.  This is why we worry,  it's our way of 'planning' for up and coming events. But what if you're already prepared, what if you already know what to do but you don't know it? What if you can't actually plan for the event your anticipate and you're already prepared as much as you can be. What if the best strategy is to deal with something in the moment because you have enough experience to handle it better than any 'preparation' could do?

Why we can't explain what we choose?

Choices are split into two categories - Reasoning system / automatic system
Choice blindness is when you made a choice but don't know why because you didn't think about it in the moment,  like why you stepped on that part of the footpath, why you ate that type of food - unaware of why you made the choice - when asked you'll be justifying only, rather then recalling why because you never thought about it in the moment. This is why we make mistakes and have no idea why we did it - bosses should learn this psychology lol the only way to cause less mistakes is for people to think more before making choices.

It Is Always OK To Question... ALWAYS!

"If you have to choose between me and someone else, pick them. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who is going to question if they made the right choice."

I read this in a picture quote from a site called Iheartintelligence

Question everything you read,  don't let the picture, quote, or reputation of something fool and mislead you.

My response to this quote.

I don't want to be with someone who doesn't think independently and question life long commitments, nothing is ever that good or that perfect to warrent never questioning!

To doubt is to be human,  to be afraid is to be human, to assess and weigh up is to be human, to question is what makes us human! In the history of humans communicating with primates, they answer our questions,  but they have never asked us a question.

I think the formal theory of why primates don't ask questions has something to do with, there is nothing to question because they aren't aware there is the possibility of more to the world beyond what they already know.

Why we don't let ourselves be happy!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201507/5-reasons-we-dont-let-ourselves-be-happy

I'm going to throw out some of my favorite lines which can really make people think...
Most people would rather be unhappy than uncertain...  That's a big one because there's risks in doing things differently in order to be happier.
Another is we usually know how we DON'T want to feel rather than how we do... Meaning we ficus on avoiding rather than obtaining.
I agree with the points, there's a lot of identity tired up in not being happy,  or not wanting to do things that would go against your identity to obtain it.
For me, everything comes down to 2 motives for humanity - survival and legacy...  Every action and motive can be stemmed back to those...  Doing things that are hard/unfamiliar cause anxiety, this sparks the body into survival mode which is associated with fear, fear means you are in danger which challenges survival thus the likelihood of death!!!!!

And sometimes...  Just sometimes,  some people don't feel right,  unless they feel wrong.

I know what I don't want to feel like!

We may not know how we want to feel, but often we do know how we don't want to feel! Maybe that's why we don't chase love and happiness,  maybe that's why we are scared and have fear of failure or rejection, maybe it's easier to know what we don't want to feel so we act on what we know,  many would rather be unhappy than uncertain

Emotional Travel

If I'm here,  and your there,  who travels to whom?  And if you are to 'meet halfway' can it be argued we are now nowhere? Or will nowhere become somewhere?

The Truth About The Lie

If we can't understand the truth,  but can understand a lie, and because we punish someone more because we don't understand and reward them more when we do understand - is it no wonder we lie? And if the truth comes out,  it becomes a double punishment,  not understanding in the first place and not understanding why they lied to cover up what they don't understand - mind overloaded!

Are We Ever Wrong?

Something to think about...

http://www.nova1069.com.au/best-web/why-everyone-should-have-dash-cam

Does she believe she's in the right,  if so how did she come to that decision? Or on some level she's lying to herself but believes her own lies? Or simple denial, wishing it to not be, (or is that lying?) Or is it as simple as the belief everyone else is the reason bad things happen to her and she's just adopted this aproch for all areas of her life? Is there another option?

The drug we all crave

Can the drug we call love be just like any other drug? ...  Even though reality could be pretty bad,  this feeling can make it seem like everything is OK,  or that pain isn't painful,  just no big deal...  But once you crash,  you crash hard!
Be careful of your dosage and what you decide while on it.

"Love is" You will never hear this said at a wedding.

June 1 2013

Facebook Post...

Love is in a hurry, love is cruel. It is jealous, it always compares, it is selfish. It violates, it is attention-seeking, it is easily angered, it keeps record of wrongs. Love  delights in control, rejoices in manipulation and fueled by dependence. It gets abusive, always doubts, always worries, always hanging by a moment.Love fails. Love destroys Love panics, love is our captor.

Love reminds us of how imperfect we are, how out of control, how vulnerable and insecure we are.
Out of pain comes strength, out of suffering comes resilience, out of hardship comes growth. No one can escape loves clutches - it's what we all have in common, it's what unites us, makes us human... Makes us humanity.

Sexual Passion Forever

If being in the moment is the key to happiness,  then maybe that's why we like novel or new experiences - the situation demands our undivided attention, we almost don't have a choice.
Maybe that's why the passion goes out of relationships over time...  At the start the situation demands all of ourself, but it doesn't as time goes on... 
SLLS
STOP LOOK LISTEN SMELL... get back into the now, be in the now,  enjoy the now.

JUST DO IT!

hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.

William Hutchison Murray

A less aggressive,  more elegant way to say what Shia LaBeouf said.

When the person we're attracted to becomes unattractive

http://www.debriefdaily.com/relationships/not-attracted-to-wife/

My thoughts on this article about how a married man stopped being attracted to his wife as she gained weight.

First of all ladies,  this must be a terrible feeling and a major fear! I personally have had this happen to me,  not once,  but twice in my longest relationships...  They loved me but didn't find me attractive as time went on, they both literally said the words "I'm not attracted to you anymore"...  I'm old enough to know better now but when I was younger I just knew there were major problems with physical intimacy for a while leading up to it...
So here's the question...
Do we choose our family based on attraction? absolutely not,  what about friend work colleagues?  unconsciously maybe but probably not...  How bout just your friends,  or best friends? I'm guessing no. What do all of these have in common? You don't have to be attracted to them to have a good relationship,  but you do need to be attracted to them in a large way to desire physical passion. We're all attracted to different things and we can't fake it when we're not,  but that doesn't mean we don't love them...  It's complicated and really only the two individuals can come to a  decision on how to move forward. With me,  it meant the end of the relationship even though at the time I didn't want them to.

Final thoughts,  becoming unattractive is much more complicated than someone gaining weight,  rather its the personality of the person that starts to see themselves differently as they gain weight... Our outsides have a way of giving us a gimps what's on the inside - weight gain is one of many indicators that something is wrong, but not always... 
Most importantly, be the best you you can be for you,  regardless of size or the opinion of others.

While 'giving', are we really taking?

Why do you give?  Here's a test,  if you got no gratitude,  would you give? And if you got no thanks the first time,  would you do it again? And if you got insulted the second time (even though you knew it was the right thing to do) would you give again? And one more time knowing you'd never see the results of your generosity and having gained no extra power by giving...  Would you keep giving that way?

Why is popular, popular?

In the absence of any other information, humans tend to estimate the value of something by gauging the demand for it.

Seduction Is What They Do To Themselves

When it comes to seduction, it seems one of the most potent forces is the allure of the unknown.

Every petal peeled off the rose while saying, "He loves me, he loves me not..." is a step closer to attraction.

Bad Day, Just Because

Some days aren't very good, and sometimes there's no reason why they should be worse than any other day...  Why? Why do we need quantifiable events to make ourselves feel better about feeling bad? If there were no events to justify having a bad day,  then couldn't you argue that also events can't get you out of your bad day too? So what should you do? Ride it out? Talk about it? Avoid it? Or just abandon the day and start again tomorrow? Is there a chance something quantifiable has happened to make you have a bad day,  but it didn't register,  you didn't notice,  or it's a bigger deal to you than you give it credit for? I guess we need these days to help us not be complacent, keep us humble and reflective, to remind ourselves how good it feels to feel good.

Build Mental Strength

Mentally strong people look for explanationswithout making excuses. They accept full responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and behavior. The good news: We all have the ability to build mental strength. With hard work, we can improve our ability to manage our thoughts, regulate our emotions, and behave productively despite our circumstances. The stronger we become, the less likely we will use excuses to justify our bad choices.

Nothing in life is as important as you think it is when you are thinking about it.

Nothing in life is as important as you think it is when you are thinking about it. This illusion applies to both delights and disappointments: You won’t be as excited about getting something you want once you get it, because once you get it, you will have it, and your attention will shift to other things.

Hurting people hurt people, hateful people hurt even more

NO JAIL TIME FOR 'SMALL TIME' DRUG DEALER

http://www.northerndailyleader.com.au/story/3201504/no-jail-for-small-scale-drug-dealer/?cs=157

One of my 'friends' posted a comment to this (above) article - here is the comment she made full:

Absolute bullshit you do the crime you should do the time I dont have any sympathy or time for anyone who sells or does drugs put the bitch in jail fuck her she deserves to rot in jail no matter how much she supplied dealed


Let's stop and think for a second... the first part is an expression over her emotion and dissatisfaction of the situation - fair enough - clearly it violates her identity on some level... but the next part...
"put the bitch in jail fuck her she deserves to rot in jail no matter how much she supplied dealed [sic]"

I translate that to meaning - 'regardless of the degree of your crime, i want you to die in jail, and not just that I want you to die, but you deserve to die regardless of the degree of crime'

Hurting people hurt people, hateful people hurt even more people! Lets say selling drugs are hurting people (that's a whole other topic for another day drugs vs anything else we use to escape reality and alter our minds) does it really help saying 'kill them'? does anyone want to know why she ended up dealing in the first place? Was she abused as a child, was she raped as a girl, was she outcast from society as a women because she lacked 'paper smarts' was she discriminated against because of her race, or social economic position, did she have a child early in life.... or does any of that not matter? should she "rot in jail regardless". And if a judge, a lawyer or doctor do drugs and 'deal' (providing to other friends colleagues) should they too rot in jail? or somehow because they've got there 'life together' on they outside they should somehow be spared? That's class discrimination if you answered in the affirmative.

Hurting people hurt people, hateful people hurt even more people! Do you make the world a better place by hating on the people that hurt it?

Rape culture, let's teach boys to be good men!

http://www.upworthy.com/how-7-things-that-have-nothing-to-do-with-rape-perfectly-illustrate-the-concept-of-consent?c=huf1

Not 'instead' but focus on teaching,  absolutely! (there will always be evil people no matter what) 
There's two levels though,  education which is rational and feelings which sometimes aren't...  Both need to be addressed and if you 'Bible bash' (figure of speech) you neglect the feeling competent,  and if history tells us anything,  feelings will win out... Asexuals don't have sex because they don't feel like it...  Men who have stronger desires than respect/accountability,  evil things happen (they justify to not feel so evil)...  It'll take good men to teach boys, and women to guide good men,  not hatred. I'm so sorry if a man did something awful,  no one should have to go through that and understandably you could be angry at the entire gender. Please teach us with the future of a better world in mind who good men can be trusted

Loss/Pain sliding scale

Why is it, when we invest a lot of time and effort into something and it fails/taken away straight away,  it gives us incredible pain while the same investment but it fails a long time after you stopped the effort,  it doesn't seem so bad?

We're all forgetful creatures

Long term gratitude is extremely rare....  Don't expect it.

Sometimes I get confused...

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

-Terry Pratchett

Mind blown

Don't believe everything you think

Love Is Not All You Need!!!!!!

Someone who has depression can’t function with someone who is anxious

Someone who has anxiety can’t function with someone who is depressed

Someone who is attached can’t be happy with someone who is detached

Someone who is detached can’t be happy with someone who is attached

Someone who is intense will struggle to relate with someone who is chilled

Someone who is chilled will struggle to relate with someone who is intense

Someone who wants to hide away can't be with someone who wants to be seen

Someone who wants to be seen can't be with someone who wants to hide away

Someone who works this way, will cause quarrels with someone who works that way

Someone who works that way, will cause quarrels with someone who works this way

Someone who likes action and adventure will clash with someone who likes peace and routine

Someone who likes peace and routine will clash with someone who likes action and adventure

Someone who values deep thinking can’t be content with someone who values care free

Someone who values care free can’t be content with someone who values deep thinking

Someone who has a life map planned to go east, can’t travel with someone who plans to go West

Someone who has a life map planned to go west, can’t travel with someone who plans to go East

Someone who wants to just be, can’t exist with someone who just wants to be somewhere else

Someone who wants to be somewhere else can’t exist with someone who just wants to be

Someone who needs to fly in the sky will not find delight travelling underground

Someone who needs to dig underground will not find delight flying in the sky

Someone who speaks this language can’t speak to someone with that language

Someone who speaks that language can’t speak this language

Someone who believes this is how you should live, can’t live with someone who believes this is how you shouldn't live

Someone who believes this is how you shouldn't live can’t live with someone who believes this is how you should

Someone who finds pleasure in pleasure can’t indulge with someone who doesn't find pleasure in pleasure

Someone who doesn't find pleasure in pleasure can’t indulge with someone who finds pleasure in pleasure

Someone who values security externally will not feel secure with someone who values internal security

Someone who values internal security will not feel secure with someone who values external security.

Someone who believes their love is enough can't be with someone who believes love is not all you need.

When it's healthy to give up

It's said that we stay way too long,  the sunk cost fallacy theory,  where the fear of change is greater than the pain of remaining the same...  It takes a very strong and brave person to walk away when the facts are very clear, but the emotions are high.  Usually it's the other person's issues... You may 'trigger' the issues like when you say "nice day!" and they reply "what's so nice about it" and then spirals from there,  but it's important to remember we didn't 'cause' it as much as you on the inside or they out loud might want you to believe.  You may hurt them by doing what's best for you,  but you are harming yourself by not... We hurt a puppy by giving it a needle to save its life but we are not harming it...  Kicking it is harming.  I don't pretend to know you,  but I'm so proud of you! If that list is how you feel,  then it is fact,  and you have done something about that...  This is a big deal and your life will be much better in the long run because of it!

You've done the right thing!

Why we have no idea why

How do you know what you don't know? How can you realise something without a trigger? How is something possible to someone that didn't even realise it was a possibility? And if that connection is never made,  how can it ever be comprehended?

Why we are angry with God?

We’ve long known that people can get angry at God but a 2013 study in Psychology of Religion andSpirituality (Grubbs, Exline, & Campbell, 2013) tells us who is most likely to do so. The authors found that anger at God was predicted by psychologicalentitlement—the belief that one deserves more than others. The authors argue that those feelings of deservingness lead to more intense perceptions of having been wronged when individuals don’t get what they want.

False Envy

“Comparison is the thief of joy”

Do you look at others lives as your guide to where you should be...  Most people's lives are a lie...  Not to them necessarily but your perception of them.  Do you someone with a big house and a nice car and think they are successful....  Maybe they have uncontrollable debt,  or all of their children have disowned them,  or maybe they suffer from a serious condition.  There is so much we don't see,  we can't read minds,  we can't feel what they feel,  we don't know the costs of their life choices...  Don't envy someone if you're not prepared to make the sacrifices they made for their result...  Be you and who you are,  be kind to yourself, work on yourself and be proud at what you achieve.  Celebrate your successes, learn from your mistakes. Don't forget your past enjoy your present and focus on your future!

"I have things to say, but not yet ready to say them".

What do you say when you want to say something without words while using language

I'm not feeling well but I look fine: http://youtu.be/U0P4s6tZcQE

Love me like I do!

Sometimes the real stress cones from our desire to want someone to match our intensity of feeling over a subject matter. From extreme love to extreme hate and all the apathy in between.

Good or bad all depends on me

Not including 'famous' or 'known to us but not known to them' people.

Someone is good based on what they have done for us,  what they are doing for us or what they could do for us

Someone is bad based on what they have done to us,  what they are doing to us or what they could do to us.

The success in failing

Challenging life.

"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." — Michael Jordan

Why it's not OK to cash in on tragedies.

In many Western cultures we judge someone on their actions and determin how harshly by their motive.  Big business aligning themselves with a tragedy happens frequently with relaxed casual connections through social media.  Woolworths in Australia aligned themselves with the ANZACs Story here
On the face of it,  it does seem to have good intentions,  but we need to stop and think.  What is there motive? Simple. Traffic,  clicks,  brand awareness/alignment and of course profit.  There is not one business out there that does good just because.  If they did,  we would not hear about it, and if they did,  it wouldn't be the business but the people in it doing it individually.  I don't care how amazing their marketing department is...  Any tragedy that no one asked their opinion on,  yet gives it anyway is all about money....  Shame...  For Shame.

Confidence

Maybe it's not 'being confident' but what being confident brings that makes it important.

My mind does all the work, not you.

When it comes to seduction, it seems one of the most potent forces is the allure of the unknown.

Every petal peeled off the rose while saying, "He loves me, he loves me not..." is a step closer to attraction.

"We're all equal... Except them"

When people say 'we are all equal' do they really mean it? Even the most 'open minded' seem to change their stance when 'narrow minded' people do or say something 'closed' or 'misinformed'. So,  if they aren't open minded,  they are wrong and less equal than the person that strives for equality?
The amount of hate that incites the most horrific violence I've seen for people like a child molester or a kidnapper ...  These are bad things,  very bad, but to wish these people tortured to death? So everyone's equal until we do something perceived to be bad by someone,  then we are no longer equal? Who gets to decide this sliding scale? How do we decide where to draw the line where you 'lose your right to be equal'?
So are we only equal when we are the same as the person creating the 'equals' parameters?

"I'll take what you give me."

"I'll take what you give me."

What do we 'give' people?  Do we realise it?  Would it explain why you have the same problems with people?  Would it explain why your relationships have the same patterns? Would it explain things you've never been able to explain?

Mind Reader I Am Not

We never truly understand what's going on in someone's head,  never assume you have someone all figured out,  we all are capable of being anyone or anything at any time,  for good or for bad.

Are You Hot?

What is beauty?  Mathematics? Biology? Or is it psychological? I guess if it were the previous two,  we would find beauty in other things and animals,  which we do,  but nothing like other people for the majority of us...  There is something very special about a happy person,  a confident person, a content,  a peaceful,  a passionate person...  All of these are states of mind that are shown to the world...  A look is more sexy than an item to enhance the body, it's more than looks,  i think looks make us feel things,  but people's emotions and personalities make us feel things much more powerful for longer.  The packaging may pull us in,  but we stay or go depending on the contents.

ITS ALL YOUR FAULT... that's a lie.

When I worked at Lifeline, I noticed two distinct kinds of people...  The sort that blamed everyone and everything for their problems and the other type who blamed themselves for everything and everyone else's problems.
What an awful way to live,  to genuinly believe that it's all your fault all the time... Everyone else's failures are yours,  every problem exists because there's something wrong with you...
It's a strange paradox...  To believe you are the cause and effect of everything is to say,  you matter that much, almost god like in your influence on the world...  Yet these types of people by deed and motive are the most humble and generous people on the planet.
These people think about everyone else before themselves to the point that when really important things happen,  they can collapse under pressure because they just have nothing left to give...
We all need to take care of ourselves,  take responsibility for ourselves, not others, keep ourselves strong so we can choose to help others in times of need! Be good to yourself,  be kind...  Be OK with helping yourself.

Are we all selfish?

I wonder if there's anyone who sees a photo with themselves and others in it,  and look at the other people before they look at themselves?  And if that kind of person exists,  would they tell us? Would they know to tell us?

The most famous un-famous person in history? You.

We sit and wait as so many others are! You wish for a letter,  you wish for a gift,  or a big gesture,  a moment where no one else matters but you,  a fantasy of being unconditionally loved,  praised,  honoured,  maybe even worshiped for a moment....   You have the power to do this to someone... Write a letter,  personalise a gift,  say a kind word,  dedicate some uninterrupted time... that's very powerful,  and can be used as a tool to empower the lonely,  the sick,  the frightened, the enslaved,  the belittled, this power of words,  power of gifts,  power of time...  We can all change the world...  The smallest deed can send ripples though history

A story...
I was selling flowers at the market a few days ag and the stall next to use was a father and daughter selling honey...  I had lots of discussions during down time... The little girl Eloisa (12-14 maybe) taught me lots about bees...  Anyway at the end of the day I stole a long stem red rose from our pile and thanked her, hoping she'd feel special... As I walked away I imaged the future for her life and choices that I'll never see...  That moment could change the choice she makes about a douche guy that treats her like shit but instead respects herself and has value and says no, which gives her the space to chase her dreams and meets other like minded people who unite and cure cancer,  cease world hunger, bring peace to humanity...  That's life changing...  Or it was just a flower and gets thrown away after I leave, the end...  Ill never know, but it's now a possibility...  We all have the power to change the world...  that's the exciting/terrifying thing about life.

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

Submitted by Simon Says on December 16, 2014 - 4:31am

That enemy is fear ... anything else is a rationalisation of fear; fear given a narrative ... and all narratives are dysfunctional if you cannot see through to the fear behind them all.

Fight the change, be the change

Brain burning...  My term for something that is so impacting, you are never the same again (big or small,  better or worse) it's much easier to change this way than just wanting it and willing it.
Willpower is hard to make work for us...

http://lifehacker.com/5662132/youve-got-a-limited-supply-of-willpower-so-use-it-wisely

One of many anecdotal articles... I've seen hard evidence papers but can't find them right now.

Can you force a 'brain burn'? Or is a key ingredients of the burning surprise?

I had an event... nay, a sentence that changed me, very unexpected... Like a mirror i hadn't looked into for a while,  someone reflected a part of me that i hadn't noticed...  Once pointed out though,  it was quite evident. I couldn't not ignore it even if i wanted to because of its 'brain burning' properties...  Am I better or worse? Depends on your point of view,  but factually, definitely different.

We all have a sense of who we are (regardless of whether we can articulate it or not) and if that thought of ourselves is challanged and we accept the new premise... It can literally change our lives... For better or worse,  big or small.  Keep open minded to keep the opportunities of growing alive. By the way... open minded is the Willingness to change or accept a point of view based on facts or lack their of.

Feel v Fact

Feeling does not dictate fact.

Example.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=M2urdlfmrpE#

If we feel gross,  doesn't mean we
If you feel someone is rich,  doesn't mean they are
If we feel dumb,  doesn't mean we are
If you feel attacked,  doesn't mean you are
If we feel worthy,  doesn't mean we are
If you feel misunderstood,  doesn't mean you are
If we feel right,  doesn't mean we are
If you feel betrayed,  doesn't mean you are
If we feel popular,  doesn't mean we are
If you feel nothing's wrong doesn't mean it isn't
If we feel...  We can question how we feel and if our feelings and reality match up.

But feelings are your fact,  you are allowed to feel and it's OK to feel how you do,  just be careful... Did reality triggered your feelings or yourself which may contradicts reality... 
So what is reality? The world we perceive through our minds and senses which is influenced by how we feel.

Sluts are not sluts.

Maybe women shouldn't be told 'don't' to seeking the touch of a man regularly...  Maybe other girls judge and 'educate' their friends,  daughters,  sisters,  strangers.  And maybe women should stop coming to the defence of other women about how others comment on their body...  Why?  Well I've realised that we let in the world in different ways,  we learn different ways,  we value different things and find identity in things that may surprise ourselves. 
I've always wondered why some girls find offence to flattering their physical appearance while others value it...  Of course there's different degrees and contexts,  but without going through every detail,  there is a general pattern of some girls liking it more than others.  I've known for a while about identity being the root to most behaviors and choices,  and I've also known about the 'love language' concept.

If you are unfamiliar...  I got this list and definition from 5 love languages in no particular order.

Physical Touch

This language isn't all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.

Receiving Gifts

Don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.

So back to my point which I haven't really made yet.  Some women need...  Like really need,  physical touch...  So they're physical bodies are important to them maybe more than others...  Maybe they are an audio person too...  Likes praise on their physical points through sound and backed up with touch?  It doesn't mean they are a slut,  it doesn't mean they lack self control compared to others...  They just have a disposition...  We even learn and take in the world in 3 different ways,  through hearing,  seeing and or doing,  often one is much more important for the other two...  So leave chicks alone who like to touch...  Because we all have the same driving force.  To love,  and to be loved... In our own way!

Incest

My response.  To this article...  Am I right?  Am I wrong?  Probably both and neither.

http://mobile.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/genetic-sexual-attraction-18-year-old-woman-opens-up-about-marrying-her-father/story-fnet0gt3-1227188412830

Oh please...  Two consenting adults...  Was society not talking like this about gays 50 years ago (and shorter) have we not learnt,  just because you wouldn't do it,  doesn't mean others have to follow... Sure there are probably a lot of proven unhealthy psychological issues in play that are proven in many people,  but the act itself has nothing to do with us and by shaming people who are like this (who can't help it I suspect just like many other behaviors we have learnt to accept) just makes another skeleton in the closest for I suspect many many people. Would I do it?  god no!  Who's reading this would you?  Statistical no. But these people feel the way they do and in the western world...  If both parties are consenting, legal age,  and not hurting anyone by their choices,  then who are we to condemn?

We're just really complicated animals looking to survive and reproduce

You decide what you make of this...

A study by Shari Dworkin, a medical sociologist at the University of California, San Francisco, found that 72 percent of college-age men want to share the "labor" of getting things started. 

72 percent of college-age men admit they wish their female partners would initiate sex more frequently.

Females aged 18 to 24 make the first move in 25 percent of relationships.

73 percent of men would accept the offer of sex from an attractive female stranger if she made the first move.

40 percent of women would accept the offer of sex from an attractive male stranger if he made the first move.

http://youtu.be/N5vGFCUWyFQ Guy with a Bugatti asks girls for sex, social experiment

Fat Girl Tinder Date (Social Experiment): http://youtu.be/2alnVIj1Jf8 spoiler,  the girl is not really fat.

Is Helping Hurting?

A radical notion...  Is helping causing more problems than it solves?  What is 'helping' anyway? The dictionary defines it as; make it easier or possible for (someone) to do something by offering them one's services or resources.
But who decides who needs it,  or the definition of 'easier'? Why do we help?...  And is helping really helping if we do it to help ourselves more? If we help based on our perspectives...  Maybe we will do more harm than good...  If we asked people how they wanted to be helped instead of deciding your way of helping and accepting their way...  But that starts to lead to a different topic, where is the line between helping and being used? Where someone doesn't need help,  but uses as an excuse to be lazy or get further ahead.  Such a simple concept,  or so I thought,  but sounds like something under the surface that is very very complicated.

Wrestling with 'what is right' choice and others choices

We say that people who don't have a choice with preferences of life,  as long as they don't hurt anyone,  we should accept them...  But what if i don't chose my feelings towards them...  Why do i have to change or hide?  Its not OK to be mean,  say cruel things,  do bad deeds...  None of that is acceptable,  but why do i have to be OK with someone's 'lack of choice' when my lack choice is opposite?  This is not an attack,  nor spacific...  But we all have physiological triggers and things that are connected to likes and dislikes...  I don't like men dressing up as women,  or women who dress up as men.  Then people would say...  "oh you hate transgender people" ... No...  I've known one individual,  and they were a nice person,  decent...  Didn't have a problem... "so how can you say...  " because there's other things in play...  I also don't like clowns...  Doesn't mean i don't like the person in the clown costume... or some dress ups...   seeing a pattern here?
There is a theory called the 'uncanny valley' look it up for more details,  but these pics are basic examples ...
So what's this got to do with me not liking men dressing up as women and women dressing up as men? (less the latter) because I have instinctively evolutionary feelings that if someone is trying to deceive me,  I feel threatened and my body goes into a mode of alertness.  I don't chose this...  Yet somehow society would say at a glance that I'm transgender-phobic...  So if they don't choose to be transgender,  and I don't chose for my psychology to be wary...  Then we do act on the choices we do have...  I may not like something but that doesn't mean it hurts me or me meaning harm on someone. We are all people, we have our struggles...  Our blessings and our curses...  It must be such a tough world when so many people don't accept ones identity...  I accept who you are...  Let's celebrate our similarities...  Humanity...  That's something we all share :-)

Your childhood determines your love life later on.

From an article 'do opposites attract?' for me this direct question isn't as relevant as the other info it provides...  Here's some exerts I thought most relevant and eye opening to ourselves and our romantic choices...

Hudson and Fraley took their investigation an intriguing step further. Given that attachment fundamentally shapes how people function in romantic relationships, they wanted to test whether adult attachment style influences the association between partner similarity and relationship satisfaction. (The participants also completed an attachment questionnaire.)

Attachment develops from the relationship between infants and their caregiver, with particular respect to responsiveness and availability. The effects of early attachment are far-reaching, establishing how we perceive ourselves and others as we grow into adults. In broad terms, individuals who experience loving and consistent early caregiving developsecure attachment, while those who receive harsh and/or inconsistent treatment from their early caregivers develop insecure attachment.

****Insecure attachment breaks down into two types:

Those who are high on attachmentavoidance believe that others will not respond to their needs, and correspondingly have a negative view of others. They tend to avoid intimacy, and are ill at ease when they feel their partner is too close.Those who are high on attachment anxietyare preoccupied with how available others are, and have a negative view of themselves. They seek out intimacy and contact with others, and can often be cloying or “needy” in their relationships.

(Securely attached people are low on attachment avoidance and anxiety, and demonstrate higher levels of adjustment in their relationships.)

The results were striking. Highly avoidantpeople seemed to be most satisfied with their relationships when the personalities of the partners were moderately similar. The researchers interpret this finding as possibly reflecting a level of “counter-dependence” with which avoidant people are comfortable. Put another way, an optimal balance of similarities and differences may help avoidant people keep intimacy at bay.

But for highly anxious people, it was a different story. They experience greater levels of relationship satisfaction with partners who are either highly similar or dissimilar to them. Hudson and Fraley speculate that similarity offers anxious people the feeling of “oneness” that they crave with their significant others, while dissimilarity may encourage “reliant dependence” on their partners. For the anxiously attached, having a dissimilar partner may be a way to compensate for one's own shortcoming, say the researchers.

Read full article
http://psychologytoday.com/blog/head-games/201412/do-opposites-really-attract-its-complicated?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost

Dawning of a World Wide Era?

The right conclusions for the wrong reasons.  Maybe it's taken time to change our thinking behavior but for some "if you know the question, you can get the answer" rings true...  It does for me anyway.  I'm realising how little we really know...  The facts...  We do so many things and don't really know why,  we give so much advice,  but where did we get it? We had the industrial revolution,  we are in the IT age...  Maybe the sun will rise on the era of fact?  Where opinion is not as valued as hard evidence...  This sounds like hard work...  To prove everything you say and believe,  but i find myself questioning any 'fact' that i picked up along the way but didn't have a reliable source...  What what is reliable?  Trust?  And what is trust?  The repetition of being right and/or reliable.  Chicken or the egg.
The other problem is truth and fact changes with new truths and facts. We aren't as smart as we think us humans...  Every generation thinks they are at the height of humanity and that somehow we've figured out most things worth knowing...  That's my opinion,  not fact.  Maybe the era of fact is still a long way off.