Change changes everything in unexpected ways

 When you ask someone to change, be careful. Usually you’re asking them to be more or do more. If they did succeed in changing to what you wanted, what then? More change? What happens when that succeeds? You and that person are now drifting away because in part you’re asking them to change so you don’t have to, you’re asking them to do more so you don’t have to do more. The divide gets larger. If this person really is doing all this changing and you’re not, aren’t you weirdly less now? Aren’t you falling behind? Aren’t you the stagnant one not capable of change? All the reasons you gave to that person in the first place to justify change, you are now yourself. 

Ok so maybe you think they were far behind your standards and now they’re about level. They’ll still have resentment or even contempt because they have movement, they are “better” or “more” than they were Yesterday, where are you at? The same. You can’t win unless it’s a journey together, you can’t get what you want unless you share the burden, different things perhaps but equal energy, equal struggle, equal hope and equal ownership. It doesn’t have to be equal in real terms it just has to be an attempt.

Stop asking people to change unless you ask in the same breath, “does this outcome interest you? what can i do for you? What can i trade with you? What can i do to help you? 

You should be grateful.

People put up with our shit all the time, if only we could be grateful, so why aren't we? Sometimes we don't have the awareness to notice and even if we do, we don't have the right feelings to drive us to gratitude.

Stay or move?

Work where you live, or live where you work?

Are people attacking you? How?

When someone attacks the process instead of the substance of an argument, you know you are in the right, or at least more right than the attacker.

Next level - when someone attacks instead of holds their position, it means you're probably on the correct path.

Next level again - when the attacker asks all the questions, difficult questions which may or may not be related. Questions are powerful, they control the situation. The more words the defender has to say against these kind of attacking questions, the more guilty the defender seem.

Surviving politics

Political parties used to make their opponent the 'bad evil one' but now they make out something else to be the bad thing (that can't defend itself) which is also much easier to make sound like a horrifying monster, then blame the other side for not caring enough, not doing enough, not taking it seriously enough. This is fantastic when the monster is pretty close to what the other side believes or thinks is good, hitting them twice.
'survival bias' is strong with us. Please recognise most things aren't that bad, or if they are, why is there attention regarding it right now?

Are you useless?

I read this and it made me sad.

I turned 17 and realized I didn't have a plan for life after that age and was actually planning on killing myself the night of my 18th bday but here I still am in a weird useless limbo that helps society none, my family none, myself none, and overall leaves me feeling like I am useless because tbh I really am.

My response.

Did you know almost all people that have something to sell you or take from you have slowly made you believe these feelings? So your value is determined by others opinions of your value... I'm here to tell you if you've ever appreciated a ladybird, a puppy or even a pretty flower, how much more valuable you are, a heart beat that desires to just be, a soul, a conscious awareness of the universe. You feel small, because you are so intelligent, you are aware of everything. You matter because you exist. You think, therefore, you are - with all your flaws and beauty... If you are so aware of what you aren't, it's means you're great enough to just be, And being you is enough... it always has been and always will be. Just be. It is what it is and enjoy being a being with no guilt, no remorse. Just be. Be. .... be.

Always pushing

We're never satisfied,  always stepping it to scary new levels - anyone is capable of anything at any time - good or bad.

http://awarenessact.com/artist-stood-for-6-hours-and-let-people-do-what-they-wanted-to-her-body/

Has our desire for more cost us more?

Once upon a time- a single income family working a 40 hour week could afford a home. Then one day Joe Bloggs thought- hey if I do overtime I'll get ahead! And he did! Then everyone thought- hey look at Joe. So everyone got on the band wagon. So now everyone need to work overtime to keep up. So Joes wife Jane thinks- hey if I work too then we get ahead! And they did! Surprise! Everyone thinks- look at Joe and Jane and jump in the band wagon. Then Jane starts working overtime and so on..
So now every house hold has to had 2 people working full time jobs and overtime just to buy that same home that a single 40 hour week income could buy.
We price ourselves out of the market because we do not value our own time enough, it is not sustainable and something has to give!

Just a comment I read tonight

Is it the end of the world as we know it?

http://qz.com/643497/we-are-witnessing-the-rise-of-global-authoritarianism-on-a-chilling-scale/

We are heading down a path where our world is so full! Our lives,  our time and space! There's a false sense of pressure, an urgency, everything is counting down,  a limited opportunity,  a fear of missing out,  comparing our lives to others,  expecting more,  wanting more, 'needing' more because if we don't have what we want and need, we are not happy - or more impacting - running away from unhappiness, running away from feeling inadequate, feeling unsafe, feeling vulnerable,  feeling mortal.

Does it surprise us that democratic majority humanity is acting the way it is? 'make my feelings better' 'make my world safer' 'make my problems go away' 'make my life better' all of those things 'but I don't want to think,  I don't have time to figure stuff out,  I don't care who else loses if I'm OK'

When some leader tells us what we want to hear,  we want to believe them,  we want the safety and memories of the past infused into a safe and secure future where you have everything you want and need... Even out of curiosity, why wouldn't you want to give someone a go?
Facts,  logic,  reason,  understanding,  they are ugly,  not fun, not the world we want...  Let's make the mess and get someone else to clean it up! Even if it costs us humanity.

Why we don't let ourselves be happy!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201507/5-reasons-we-dont-let-ourselves-be-happy

I'm going to throw out some of my favorite lines which can really make people think...
Most people would rather be unhappy than uncertain...  That's a big one because there's risks in doing things differently in order to be happier.
Another is we usually know how we DON'T want to feel rather than how we do... Meaning we ficus on avoiding rather than obtaining.
I agree with the points, there's a lot of identity tired up in not being happy,  or not wanting to do things that would go against your identity to obtain it.
For me, everything comes down to 2 motives for humanity - survival and legacy...  Every action and motive can be stemmed back to those...  Doing things that are hard/unfamiliar cause anxiety, this sparks the body into survival mode which is associated with fear, fear means you are in danger which challenges survival thus the likelihood of death!!!!!

And sometimes...  Just sometimes,  some people don't feel right,  unless they feel wrong.

Love Is Not All You Need!!!!!!

Someone who has depression can’t function with someone who is anxious

Someone who has anxiety can’t function with someone who is depressed

Someone who is attached can’t be happy with someone who is detached

Someone who is detached can’t be happy with someone who is attached

Someone who is intense will struggle to relate with someone who is chilled

Someone who is chilled will struggle to relate with someone who is intense

Someone who wants to hide away can't be with someone who wants to be seen

Someone who wants to be seen can't be with someone who wants to hide away

Someone who works this way, will cause quarrels with someone who works that way

Someone who works that way, will cause quarrels with someone who works this way

Someone who likes action and adventure will clash with someone who likes peace and routine

Someone who likes peace and routine will clash with someone who likes action and adventure

Someone who values deep thinking can’t be content with someone who values care free

Someone who values care free can’t be content with someone who values deep thinking

Someone who has a life map planned to go east, can’t travel with someone who plans to go West

Someone who has a life map planned to go west, can’t travel with someone who plans to go East

Someone who wants to just be, can’t exist with someone who just wants to be somewhere else

Someone who wants to be somewhere else can’t exist with someone who just wants to be

Someone who needs to fly in the sky will not find delight travelling underground

Someone who needs to dig underground will not find delight flying in the sky

Someone who speaks this language can’t speak to someone with that language

Someone who speaks that language can’t speak this language

Someone who believes this is how you should live, can’t live with someone who believes this is how you shouldn't live

Someone who believes this is how you shouldn't live can’t live with someone who believes this is how you should

Someone who finds pleasure in pleasure can’t indulge with someone who doesn't find pleasure in pleasure

Someone who doesn't find pleasure in pleasure can’t indulge with someone who finds pleasure in pleasure

Someone who values security externally will not feel secure with someone who values internal security

Someone who values internal security will not feel secure with someone who values external security.

Someone who believes their love is enough can't be with someone who believes love is not all you need.