Are you useless?

I read this and it made me sad.

I turned 17 and realized I didn't have a plan for life after that age and was actually planning on killing myself the night of my 18th bday but here I still am in a weird useless limbo that helps society none, my family none, myself none, and overall leaves me feeling like I am useless because tbh I really am.

My response.

Did you know almost all people that have something to sell you or take from you have slowly made you believe these feelings? So your value is determined by others opinions of your value... I'm here to tell you if you've ever appreciated a ladybird, a puppy or even a pretty flower, how much more valuable you are, a heart beat that desires to just be, a soul, a conscious awareness of the universe. You feel small, because you are so intelligent, you are aware of everything. You matter because you exist. You think, therefore, you are - with all your flaws and beauty... If you are so aware of what you aren't, it's means you're great enough to just be, And being you is enough... it always has been and always will be. Just be. It is what it is and enjoy being a being with no guilt, no remorse. Just be. Be. .... be.

Is this too much apart of who you are?

It is not necessary to be loyal to your suffering.

Why don't you just leave the abusive relationship?

If you don't understand why someone doesn't leave an abusive or violent relationship, think about a workplace. Those company expected hours build up to the point of being illegal, poor conditions,  not appreciated,  blamed for things going wrong, it stresses you out, you try really hard,  you hope it gets better, when you get tried of being treated this way for a while you stand up for yourself but then get punished even more, it seems like they're out to get you,  they make life difficult trying to try and make you leave,  but you try even harder to win their favor OR you become a hollow shell just drifting - either way,  you haven't taken the hint, so they find reasons to build a case against you until either you take the hint or they kick you out on your arse.

So why didn't you just leave before it all started? It never started and it never stopped,  it not easy to walk away from something when you feel you reply on it so much,  when you feel like tomorrow will be different, when you feel like you can fix the problem or it will just fix itself over time.  Yes some people know their worth and walk at the sign of trouble,  but for the rest of us,  we stay in that crappy job,  sometimes we put up with it our whole lives or go from bad job to bad job letting history repeat. It's a paradoxical abusive relationship,  like fascism is to communism.

So before you judge someone for not walking away from an abusive relationship, why didn't you walk away from your abusive relationship?

Anything which involves giving up a piece of your identity is one of the hardest things to do,  and when we have the ability to rationalize almost anything we want to, we'll always find a reason why it's worth living in hell so we don't have to say goodbye to a piece of ourselves.

Why we don't let ourselves be happy!

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/compassion-matters/201507/5-reasons-we-dont-let-ourselves-be-happy

I'm going to throw out some of my favorite lines which can really make people think...
Most people would rather be unhappy than uncertain...  That's a big one because there's risks in doing things differently in order to be happier.
Another is we usually know how we DON'T want to feel rather than how we do... Meaning we ficus on avoiding rather than obtaining.
I agree with the points, there's a lot of identity tired up in not being happy,  or not wanting to do things that would go against your identity to obtain it.
For me, everything comes down to 2 motives for humanity - survival and legacy...  Every action and motive can be stemmed back to those...  Doing things that are hard/unfamiliar cause anxiety, this sparks the body into survival mode which is associated with fear, fear means you are in danger which challenges survival thus the likelihood of death!!!!!

And sometimes...  Just sometimes,  some people don't feel right,  unless they feel wrong.

Build Mental Strength

Mentally strong people look for explanationswithout making excuses. They accept full responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and behavior. The good news: We all have the ability to build mental strength. With hard work, we can improve our ability to manage our thoughts, regulate our emotions, and behave productively despite our circumstances. The stronger we become, the less likely we will use excuses to justify our bad choices.

"We're all equal... Except them"

When people say 'we are all equal' do they really mean it? Even the most 'open minded' seem to change their stance when 'narrow minded' people do or say something 'closed' or 'misinformed'. So,  if they aren't open minded,  they are wrong and less equal than the person that strives for equality?
The amount of hate that incites the most horrific violence I've seen for people like a child molester or a kidnapper ...  These are bad things,  very bad, but to wish these people tortured to death? So everyone's equal until we do something perceived to be bad by someone,  then we are no longer equal? Who gets to decide this sliding scale? How do we decide where to draw the line where you 'lose your right to be equal'?
So are we only equal when we are the same as the person creating the 'equals' parameters?

Are You Hot?

What is beauty?  Mathematics? Biology? Or is it psychological? I guess if it were the previous two,  we would find beauty in other things and animals,  which we do,  but nothing like other people for the majority of us...  There is something very special about a happy person,  a confident person, a content,  a peaceful,  a passionate person...  All of these are states of mind that are shown to the world...  A look is more sexy than an item to enhance the body, it's more than looks,  i think looks make us feel things,  but people's emotions and personalities make us feel things much more powerful for longer.  The packaging may pull us in,  but we stay or go depending on the contents.

Are we all selfish?

I wonder if there's anyone who sees a photo with themselves and others in it,  and look at the other people before they look at themselves?  And if that kind of person exists,  would they tell us? Would they know to tell us?

Sluts are not sluts.

Maybe women shouldn't be told 'don't' to seeking the touch of a man regularly...  Maybe other girls judge and 'educate' their friends,  daughters,  sisters,  strangers.  And maybe women should stop coming to the defence of other women about how others comment on their body...  Why?  Well I've realised that we let in the world in different ways,  we learn different ways,  we value different things and find identity in things that may surprise ourselves. 
I've always wondered why some girls find offence to flattering their physical appearance while others value it...  Of course there's different degrees and contexts,  but without going through every detail,  there is a general pattern of some girls liking it more than others.  I've known for a while about identity being the root to most behaviors and choices,  and I've also known about the 'love language' concept.

If you are unfamiliar...  I got this list and definition from 5 love languages in no particular order.

Physical Touch

This language isn't all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.

Receiving Gifts

Don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.

So back to my point which I haven't really made yet.  Some women need...  Like really need,  physical touch...  So they're physical bodies are important to them maybe more than others...  Maybe they are an audio person too...  Likes praise on their physical points through sound and backed up with touch?  It doesn't mean they are a slut,  it doesn't mean they lack self control compared to others...  They just have a disposition...  We even learn and take in the world in 3 different ways,  through hearing,  seeing and or doing,  often one is much more important for the other two...  So leave chicks alone who like to touch...  Because we all have the same driving force.  To love,  and to be loved... In our own way!

Wrestling with 'what is right' choice and others choices

We say that people who don't have a choice with preferences of life,  as long as they don't hurt anyone,  we should accept them...  But what if i don't chose my feelings towards them...  Why do i have to change or hide?  Its not OK to be mean,  say cruel things,  do bad deeds...  None of that is acceptable,  but why do i have to be OK with someone's 'lack of choice' when my lack choice is opposite?  This is not an attack,  nor spacific...  But we all have physiological triggers and things that are connected to likes and dislikes...  I don't like men dressing up as women,  or women who dress up as men.  Then people would say...  "oh you hate transgender people" ... No...  I've known one individual,  and they were a nice person,  decent...  Didn't have a problem... "so how can you say...  " because there's other things in play...  I also don't like clowns...  Doesn't mean i don't like the person in the clown costume... or some dress ups...   seeing a pattern here?
There is a theory called the 'uncanny valley' look it up for more details,  but these pics are basic examples ...
So what's this got to do with me not liking men dressing up as women and women dressing up as men? (less the latter) because I have instinctively evolutionary feelings that if someone is trying to deceive me,  I feel threatened and my body goes into a mode of alertness.  I don't chose this...  Yet somehow society would say at a glance that I'm transgender-phobic...  So if they don't choose to be transgender,  and I don't chose for my psychology to be wary...  Then we do act on the choices we do have...  I may not like something but that doesn't mean it hurts me or me meaning harm on someone. We are all people, we have our struggles...  Our blessings and our curses...  It must be such a tough world when so many people don't accept ones identity...  I accept who you are...  Let's celebrate our similarities...  Humanity...  That's something we all share :-)

The Pain of Feeling Like We Don't Matter

I believe that for us as humans everything stems from identity,  and the core component of that is feeling like we matter...  Anything that makes us feel like we don't matter hurts us in deep and profound ways.
The sad thing is most people's actions that make you feel like you don't matter are often a reflection on them,  not a reflection on you, we take it personally. How can you not? There was a great example in a book called 'walking on egg shells'and the example went something like this:
A bride chooses a church to get married in. A day before the wedding lightening strikes the church and it burns to the ground...  It is too late to find another venue. Naturally the Bride is very angry,  but she doesn't take it personally...  It's not like the lightening deliberately and intentionally was out to hurt the bride.

So much pain in life we take personally,  if we can try to understand pain is all around us and the people that love us rarely and truly don't want to hurt us,  but understand that they will... And when they do,  try to understand it's not about you,  it's probably more likely it's about them and their problems, pasts and mistakes.

Loneliness

Epidemic of loneliness... And for many it's not as easy as just connecting with friends and/or family... Identity loneliness is very real...  It's where your identity is not validated by the people around you... So you could be surrounded by people and yet feel like there's no one around,  no one to connect to,  no one that gets you... 

There was a time in my life where I didn't fit in anywhere and that may explain why I started to go down a path I probably shouldn't have...

http://psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201409/is-marijuana-the-cure-loneliness