This explains every argument ever had

What's going on when people fight, argue and disagree? I've noticed for years how many people are both right in an argument... how is that possible, how can we all be fighting over the same thing and yet all be right?
Or flip it around, the same people who could be both right are also both wrong... How can this be?

Because our fight is governed and justified by the parameters we set out for ourselves.

Here are those parameters.

There are only two platforms of communication:

1 Discussion
2 Debate

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These are filtered through four 'according to you' belief systems:

1 The world how it is (objectively)
2 The world how you think it ought to be
3 The world not being understood
4 The world 'how it is' but it just ain't so (perception ignoring objective reality).

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All arguments topics come down to these four categories:

1 My world (what I know and see)
2 'The' world ('facts')
3 Equality (the game today)
4 Equity (the game today, yesterday and tomorrow)

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These are personalised by three main feelings:

1 Why can't you be more like me?
2 Why can't you be more like what I understand?
3 Why can't you understand my pain?

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All motivations stem back to a deep original source...

1 Survival (including resources, status quo and power)

And/or

2 Legacy (including extra resources sex, extra power and purpose)

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The mono problem of non monogamy

I love vox, they've just released a Netflix series and this first episode was about how unnatural it is to be monogamous... here's the video

https://youtu.be/DCGyLjBjuGI

I Love it, I think there's excellent points except one thing wasn't addressed... if it's so natural to not be monogamous... why is it people get so hurt and offended when the other partner does a non monogamous act?  Why does it trigger THE strongest emotion I've ever seen in people (*cough* Jerry Springer)? If something is natural, our feelings line up with our desires, and that doesn't happen with the majority of the population.

Had a few comments saying it's the childhood conditionings, social standards, pop culture etc.... My thoughts back.

Yeah great points and you're right, they do touch on at the start of the piece. 'Social conditioning' explains why someone feels bad when they 'cheat' or that guilt stops them, but as they said statistically it doesn't actually stop people from doing it, what I'm observing that nearly 100% of people don't like being cheated on... think about it, if one in 5 were in non monogamous relationships, wouldn't they be understanding back? Sex and 'love' (desire) always finds a way despite social conditioning, it just goes underground...
And if you're doubling down on 'but early in childhood we're shown this is what it is' we rebel against 20% of what we're conditioned to, and then we grow up and make our own choices and sometimes question feelings and go against those despite the fears. In fact there's many social circles who would not condemn you for not being monogamous.... it's harder being trans than it is to not be monogamous... And yet, we like the idea of us being free, but don't like the idea of our partner being the same to the point most would break up or end the relationship... That's so powerful!  It's not all surely inspired by a few fairytales and 'what society does and expects'.

Why progress sometimes seems to go backward

Balancing scales rarely works first attempt

Why are things that seem simple so hard?

A simple summary of tasks doesn't make tasks simple.

S Phelps

Christianity dying? it doesn't have to.

We have observed, in the last half-century, an endless line of proposals and plans for ‘reviving,’ or ‘renewing,’ or ‘revitalizing’ the nation’s tired old denominations. To my knowledge, however, no one has yet succeeded in turning around a declining denomination. ~ George Hunter III

The solution.

Authenticly and relevance.

What do you mean?

I'm 30, born in 1986 going to a variety of denominations both because of family and choice... The pattern I noticed is people are with a particular denomination either because it's what their family believed or it was a reflection of themselves in some way,  I believe secularly it's called your 'tribe'. In my time on this earth, I've seen the noise grow,  in the late 90s advertisers had the rule of 7... After the 7th time,  people would be conscious of your message... early 2000s it was the rule of 9... 2017 it's now up to 24... When I wake up,  as I get ready for work I've already been exposed to hundreds of brands,  messages,  the noise of life...  There is one thing which cuts through in 2017 ... Simplicity and/or authenticity. Tradition is fine,  but if no one can tell simply or authenticly why,  it's not relevant and it's not authentic... 'that's how we've always done it' is an immediate fail,  'because the Bible says so' is a fail...  It's not against the Bible or the traditions,  replace the word Bible with literally anything else and the result is the same...  The paradox is we are after knowing why without it being complex...  The theory goes that if you can explain your subject matter to a 6 year old,  you truly understand.  Jesus did the same simplicity approach... It was simple,  it was relevant to the audience which was relateable and how he lived his life and how he spoke it was authentic...
In a world where we (milenials)  don't trust anyone,  we crave 'real'
Of course 'how' to achieve this I could talk for hours,  but it's best to start at 'what'.
The biggest hurdle is the 'I want to know why' with 'I don't trust you' and 'get to the point in a way I can understand without thinking too hard'... I will say this,  if you follow these two traits,  you can figure out how...
"the path of least resistance" and "a simple lie is more believable than a complicated truth"
Example.  Cold water freezes faster than hot water.
It sounds right but it's actually a lie... But as I start to explain the stupidly complex reason why hot water freezes faster than cold water,  the effort to understand why becomes greater than the desire to know which means the path of least resistance is to not care/not pursue the answer.

Finally regarding relevance...  "if you care about what I think,  I'll listen to what you have to say" everyone has an opinion, deep down,  it's not about being right,  it's about being valued,  needing to matter. Most people tie their opinions into their identity...  So when we argue with them,  it's not about someone rejecting their opinion,  we're rejecting them as a person. It's a hard way to live,  but somehow that's how this generation work.

And whether you think I'm right or wrong, does it matter? depending on what you want to achieve I guess, thrown out a statement,  as a non church goer I have data from outside the walls representing a demographic that has to be represented if looking to the future. If you feel my voice does not reflect milenials...  Ask yourself why? Search for other people in the milenials who are on the cusp of church...  We not only know why,  we have solutions...  We want what you want,  and even though it might not seem like it,  we're on the same side.

I'm happy to answer any questions but I probably won't go down a path of trying to defend my stance,  it's not tied to my identity so I don't mind if I don't hear any support for these ideas 😊

I wish you well in your journey to find knowledge and understanding,  peace be with you.

My feelings connected to your actions

Change the action of someone will change the feeling,  but what if we could change our action to change the feeling,  wouldn't you get the same result? So why do we want to change other things in people to change our feeling when there is other ways?

How do we choose when we have no understanding?

In the absence of any other information, humans tend to estimate the value of something by gauging the demand for it.

"American Smile"

"I'm a Russian native and we don't smile because back home it is considered fake to smile just for the sake of being polite / to please others / to look good etc. In our culture, you smile only when you truly are having a very happy moment. In Russia, "American smile" is another word to define a fake smile, the one you put on your face no matter how you truly feel at that moment. This is just one of those "cultural differences" that take time to get used to."

Why girls like men with money and it's not the reason you think

Why do many girls like men money?

On the surface this seems like a stupid question...  But really think about it,  why? Well because they want nice things probably,  what about freedom? Most likely, security? For sure.

If you subscribe to the theory of everything revolves around survival and legacy,  then a partner with money can provide both.  A large part of seeking out a mate is getting the feeling of being safe and secure, to feel like your survival is not under threat,  in other words "if you have money, I feel safe with you". You keep seeing the stat that women enjoy sex more with a man who is rich. Well when your not anxious or stressed about tomorrow's survival, it helps you focus on enjoying yourself.

How to protect yourself from mental attacks.

The hostility towards someone else stems from fear. Defending yourself won't work,  making them feel better may not and definitely won't in the long term. It's an individual security issue and they are trying to control the situation and make that fear go away.  Learn to be brave,  and learn to spot someone who isn't.  When you learn to do that, you will not take attacks as personal and prevent unconscious attacks on others.

Why don't you just leave the abusive relationship?

If you don't understand why someone doesn't leave an abusive or violent relationship, think about a workplace. Those company expected hours build up to the point of being illegal, poor conditions,  not appreciated,  blamed for things going wrong, it stresses you out, you try really hard,  you hope it gets better, when you get tried of being treated this way for a while you stand up for yourself but then get punished even more, it seems like they're out to get you,  they make life difficult trying to try and make you leave,  but you try even harder to win their favor OR you become a hollow shell just drifting - either way,  you haven't taken the hint, so they find reasons to build a case against you until either you take the hint or they kick you out on your arse.

So why didn't you just leave before it all started? It never started and it never stopped,  it not easy to walk away from something when you feel you reply on it so much,  when you feel like tomorrow will be different, when you feel like you can fix the problem or it will just fix itself over time.  Yes some people know their worth and walk at the sign of trouble,  but for the rest of us,  we stay in that crappy job,  sometimes we put up with it our whole lives or go from bad job to bad job letting history repeat. It's a paradoxical abusive relationship,  like fascism is to communism.

So before you judge someone for not walking away from an abusive relationship, why didn't you walk away from your abusive relationship?

Anything which involves giving up a piece of your identity is one of the hardest things to do,  and when we have the ability to rationalize almost anything we want to, we'll always find a reason why it's worth living in hell so we don't have to say goodbye to a piece of ourselves.

Go Away, Come Back, Go Away, Come Back

Maybe you've wanted a relationship for so long,  but once you pretty much have one,  do really want it anymore?
That's not as crazy as it sounds...  Most of us would rather be unhappy than uncertain...  The world we know - as painful as is - is familiar, comfertable and safe - you may not be happy with it but uncertainty is terrifying, it's probably been a while since a relationship truly made you feel happy (for some that's never)... It's putting your hand on the hot plate,  you get burned and you either have to be incredibly brave or incredibly stupid to do it over and over again...  The crazy thing about love is,  sometimes it doesn't burn, it feels good and makes you happy... Risk verses reward. It's a gamble,  only you can decide if it's worth it or not.

The Truth About The Lie

If we can't understand the truth,  but can understand a lie, and because we punish someone more because we don't understand and reward them more when we do understand - is it no wonder we lie? And if the truth comes out,  it becomes a double punishment,  not understanding in the first place and not understanding why they lied to cover up what they don't understand - mind overloaded!

Sluts are not sluts.

Maybe women shouldn't be told 'don't' to seeking the touch of a man regularly...  Maybe other girls judge and 'educate' their friends,  daughters,  sisters,  strangers.  And maybe women should stop coming to the defence of other women about how others comment on their body...  Why?  Well I've realised that we let in the world in different ways,  we learn different ways,  we value different things and find identity in things that may surprise ourselves. 
I've always wondered why some girls find offence to flattering their physical appearance while others value it...  Of course there's different degrees and contexts,  but without going through every detail,  there is a general pattern of some girls liking it more than others.  I've known for a while about identity being the root to most behaviors and choices,  and I've also known about the 'love language' concept.

If you are unfamiliar...  I got this list and definition from 5 love languages in no particular order.

Physical Touch

This language isn't all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.

Words of Affirmation

Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.

Quality Time

In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.

Receiving Gifts

Don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.

Acts of Service

Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.

So back to my point which I haven't really made yet.  Some women need...  Like really need,  physical touch...  So they're physical bodies are important to them maybe more than others...  Maybe they are an audio person too...  Likes praise on their physical points through sound and backed up with touch?  It doesn't mean they are a slut,  it doesn't mean they lack self control compared to others...  They just have a disposition...  We even learn and take in the world in 3 different ways,  through hearing,  seeing and or doing,  often one is much more important for the other two...  So leave chicks alone who like to touch...  Because we all have the same driving force.  To love,  and to be loved... In our own way!

I Understand That I Don't Understand

If there is something you don't get,  you don't understand,  then you don't get it and don't understand.

http://mobile.news.com.au/national/nsw-act/dramatic-moment-miracle-baby-was-pulled-from-storm-drain-after-surviving-five-days/story-fnii5s3x-1227132456229

I'm reading this article and I'm not understanding why the mother did what she did...  Then I realised,  I don't understand because I don't understand...  Anything that happens obviously happened and everything happens for a reason regardless of if we understand or not... We will never be inside the minds of these people and few have the ability to explain why,  and even if they do,  that doesn't mean we will accept what they have to say... But once again that doesn't change that it happened and it happened for a reason regardless if we understand why,  or we don't.