This explains every argument ever had

What's going on when people fight, argue and disagree? I've noticed for years how many people are both right in an argument... how is that possible, how can we all be fighting over the same thing and yet all be right?
Or flip it around, the same people who could be both right are also both wrong... How can this be?

Because our fight is governed and justified by the parameters we set out for ourselves.

Here are those parameters.

There are only two platforms of communication:

1 Discussion
2 Debate

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These are filtered through four 'according to you' belief systems:

1 The world how it is (objectively)
2 The world how you think it ought to be
3 The world not being understood
4 The world 'how it is' but it just ain't so (perception ignoring objective reality).

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All arguments topics come down to these four categories:

1 My world (what I know and see)
2 'The' world ('facts')
3 Equality (the game today)
4 Equity (the game today, yesterday and tomorrow)

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These are personalised by three main feelings:

1 Why can't you be more like me?
2 Why can't you be more like what I understand?
3 Why can't you understand my pain?

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All motivations stem back to a deep original source...

1 Survival (including resources, status quo and power)

And/or

2 Legacy (including extra resources sex, extra power and purpose)

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Literally the fastest way to change someone's mind

If you can't 'thing/action X' 'time/space X, when/where can you?

It's really difficult for people to think one thing then immediately pivot to what you think.
Almost without fail there's a sentence which swings and I accidentally use it all the time.

Silly examples
If you can't close a lighthouse for painting during social distancing and winter time, when can you?

If you can't fart while going to the toilet, when can you?

In other words it challenges the person to go 'think of something better' and it's amazing how many people roll over and accept in that moment like no other phrase can.

Real examples might be you want pizza but someone else thinks that's unhealthy...
"If you can't have pizza on a Friday night after a hard week and home cooking all week, when can you?"

Are people attacking you? How?

When someone attacks the process instead of the substance of an argument, you know you are in the right, or at least more right than the attacker.

Next level - when someone attacks instead of holds their position, it means you're probably on the correct path.

Next level again - when the attacker asks all the questions, difficult questions which may or may not be related. Questions are powerful, they control the situation. The more words the defender has to say against these kind of attacking questions, the more guilty the defender seem.

When something is wrong but seem like you made it up

We remember feelings, vibes and the 'spirit' of prior events, but it's really difficult to remember and hold onto details. That's why it seems like we're just throwing out wild accusations when trying to communicate with someone an issue from the past without 'hard evidence'.

How do you manage incompetent people?

All back to the boss (I am a boss) you can break up workers into a couple of category styles.

Motivation
Do they run towards something? OR
Do they run away from something?

Working style.
Do they want their job to reflect their identity OR
Do they want to just pay the bills?

Behavior style.
Do they like to think OR
Do they like to do.

The best bosses and businesses adapt to the styles and strengths of the people they get OR are great at recognising the right attributes for the right positions in the first place.

Most people don't know how to answer this,  but the question should be asked 'what do you want? What do you value'.  For most milenials it's not money,  hell it's not even less hours,  it's autonomy and purpose 'what I do matters to me and others, I make a positive difference' but some just want a golden path to money - they may not be a team player but some of the hardest workers if you dangle the carrot and manage their style.

Under Attack? Or Friendly Fire?

There's a difference between being attacked/blamed for something and someone grieving aloud/expressing their frustration and anguish
S. Phelps

How to protect yourself from mental attacks.

The hostility towards someone else stems from fear. Defending yourself won't work,  making them feel better may not and definitely won't in the long term. It's an individual security issue and they are trying to control the situation and make that fear go away.  Learn to be brave,  and learn to spot someone who isn't.  When you learn to do that, you will not take attacks as personal and prevent unconscious attacks on others.

Fighting unfair

Is the accusations of sexism,  racism,  homophobia ways to win arguments?

Just un-intelligent arguments to justify or enforce someone's way of life and shunning others points of difference and preferences.

Sometimes we can't articulate what we mean in an argument,  so we try to get the! 'right result' by finding other ways of winning. Just because you can't articulate as well as the other guy,  doesn't mean you're less right, but it also doesn't give you the right to find alternative hurtful points that have nothing to do with the argument you're trying to win for the sake of winning.

Fight fair.