"The talk" ugh

Avoiding problems is not the same as not having problems and not discussing problems doesn’t make them go away.

Most people love you for who you pretend to be.

I found this random comment on trying to 'impress a potential partner'.

Just be yourself because whatever you try to hide or be will soon discovered.

That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending - performing. You get to love your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act - and the sad thing is, people get so used to their image, they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And if you try to remind them, they hate you for it, they feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession.

It just stood out for me, not sure why

Why doesn't anybody love me?

February 14th… the love/hate day of the year… You are either reminded of what you have, or what you don't have.
We all have an internal desire not to just be loved, but also to be allowed to give love… When we miss an ex - we miss the right to love and be loved freely - we don't miss them/what made them become an ex. On this day, more people break up than any other day (according to Facebook). It's also the day that makes more people miserable than perhaps happy. Why? It forces us to be honest and real with ourselves, it makes us reflect on things we've avoided, thoughts we have buried and feelings we deny. If you are feeling lonely today, remember, you do have love in your life… from maybe a pet to maybe a parent - you can give love, you can bless others and I hope you receive love too! don't be afraid, you will find love… but love yourself first, learn how to be kind to yourself, "You only accept the love you think you deserve" so if you don't like yourself very much - you may never let in anyone enough to truly experience love and have trouble giving them love because you feel what you have is not enough… It is… if it's from the heart, from you and you meant it, it's enough! Learn your love language, (Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service) understand what makes you tick so you can help others love you in the way that speaks to you.
Be brave… be honest… don't settle…. be kind… be you, because you are enough.

How to Kill Your Loving Relationships Quickly

Please don't hurt the one you're supposed to love the most.  Be kind to the people who most matter, treat your loved ones how you would like to be treated

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anger-in-the-age-entitlement/201212/one-thing-will-ruin-perfectly-good-relationship

Too good not to post

It's so hard to articulate this topic so I thought I'd post verbally...  This is not my wording.

As humans, we are most fulfilled when we are able to receive and give support. However, quite a few of us are in lopsided relationships—we either receive a lot of support or give a lot, and don't do very well balancing the two. If you constantly give support to others at your own expense, eventually this imbalance will negatively impact your life. Either you or the other unsupported members of your circle will begin to feel neglected. Maybe you receive recognition for being selfless and this is now your “normal” way of behaving. But the very word selfless should send up warning signals; paying less attention to ourselves and more attention to others puts us in a poor position to support others.

It may be that you are naturally “a giver” or that, through giving, you earned praise when you were growing up—“Oh, he’s so helpful,” or “She always thinks about others first. She’s so kind.” Certainly these traits are welcome, but not to the exclusion of one’s self. Remember: You should also receive support when you need it, and if you're not, it's time to examine why and start to rebalance the situation.

It is perfectly normal to do everything for your children when they are babies or toddlers. However, as they grow older, it's important to adjust this situation and encourage them to flourish and do things for themselves. So if you still run around after children who are 15, 16, or 17 years old, or drop your leisure pursuits at a moment’s notice to fetch or carry for them, the relationship is imbalanced. 

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The same is true of a friendship or partnership. If your friend or partner is going through a particularly stressful period, of course you want to support them. You may even give up some of your own time, pursuits, or desires in order to do so. But this will not be sustainable long-term, and as they get back on their feet, you need to return to your own routines. It is important that you do not give up everything in your life, regardless of how needful the person you want to support is. If you do, there will be no “normal” life to return to—you will have given it up. Meanwhile, the person you supported will no longer need your support and may happily return to their routine, leaving you flat. By all means, support someone else, but not at too high a cost to yourself or you may find yourself in a parasitical relationship that cannot be sustained.

The second type of support relationship is one where you constantly seek support.  Maybe you grew up with parents who did everything for you and so you are used to other people running around after you. You need to realize that in order to function as an adult, you must be able to do the majority of your living and working tasks yourself. It is perfectly reasonable to ask for help if you feel out of your depth, but don’t hand over the whole task or responsibility to another person, no matter how much you're struggling. When you do this, you disenfranchise yourself—and you learn nothing. Get the other person to show you what they would do in the situation, and then gradually take over the task yourself.

This will be hard if you have been encouraged to be “needy,” and had too much done for you. Remember that the whole time you are being “supported” by another person, you are not truly autonomous and will never be in complete control of your life. In a partnership, this control is something that is sacrificed to a certain extent because there are two of you involved. In a healthy relationship, this is negotiated, usually to the benefit of both partners, not at the expense of one.

As is so often is the case, balance is key. In any long-term relationship, there is give and take: At certain points, one person’s needs will dominate, but in a normal relationship the pendulum will swing back the other way and the supported will become the supporter. If this does not happen, the relationship changes to an unsustainable parasite-and-host situation. You need to watch out for this in order to support yourself and your partner, and to keep your relationship healthy.

Go Away, Come Back, Go Away, Come Back

Maybe you've wanted a relationship for so long,  but once you pretty much have one,  do really want it anymore?
That's not as crazy as it sounds...  Most of us would rather be unhappy than uncertain...  The world we know - as painful as is - is familiar, comfertable and safe - you may not be happy with it but uncertainty is terrifying, it's probably been a while since a relationship truly made you feel happy (for some that's never)... It's putting your hand on the hot plate,  you get burned and you either have to be incredibly brave or incredibly stupid to do it over and over again...  The crazy thing about love is,  sometimes it doesn't burn, it feels good and makes you happy... Risk verses reward. It's a gamble,  only you can decide if it's worth it or not.

Love Is Not All You Need!!!!!!

Someone who has depression can’t function with someone who is anxious

Someone who has anxiety can’t function with someone who is depressed

Someone who is attached can’t be happy with someone who is detached

Someone who is detached can’t be happy with someone who is attached

Someone who is intense will struggle to relate with someone who is chilled

Someone who is chilled will struggle to relate with someone who is intense

Someone who wants to hide away can't be with someone who wants to be seen

Someone who wants to be seen can't be with someone who wants to hide away

Someone who works this way, will cause quarrels with someone who works that way

Someone who works that way, will cause quarrels with someone who works this way

Someone who likes action and adventure will clash with someone who likes peace and routine

Someone who likes peace and routine will clash with someone who likes action and adventure

Someone who values deep thinking can’t be content with someone who values care free

Someone who values care free can’t be content with someone who values deep thinking

Someone who has a life map planned to go east, can’t travel with someone who plans to go West

Someone who has a life map planned to go west, can’t travel with someone who plans to go East

Someone who wants to just be, can’t exist with someone who just wants to be somewhere else

Someone who wants to be somewhere else can’t exist with someone who just wants to be

Someone who needs to fly in the sky will not find delight travelling underground

Someone who needs to dig underground will not find delight flying in the sky

Someone who speaks this language can’t speak to someone with that language

Someone who speaks that language can’t speak this language

Someone who believes this is how you should live, can’t live with someone who believes this is how you shouldn't live

Someone who believes this is how you shouldn't live can’t live with someone who believes this is how you should

Someone who finds pleasure in pleasure can’t indulge with someone who doesn't find pleasure in pleasure

Someone who doesn't find pleasure in pleasure can’t indulge with someone who finds pleasure in pleasure

Someone who values security externally will not feel secure with someone who values internal security

Someone who values internal security will not feel secure with someone who values external security.

Someone who believes their love is enough can't be with someone who believes love is not all you need.