Want to be liked by everyone?

Lower others anxiety and pay attention.

Swipe Dating and Why We Do It

"In the age of Tinder, Grindr, Happn, Bumble and many other dating apps that allow people to flip through potential dates like picking socks for the winter season, it seems not only romance has died, but also the respect needed to nurture healthy relationships. Is Tinder a symptom of our self-indulgent, self-absorbed, individualistic, lonely society or has it perpetuated a model in which every human interaction is need-based and transactional?"

— Mădălina Preda

Actually it comes down to fear...  We as creatures generally use fear as a guide to keep us alive. When we make it personal, it triggers all sorts of fears, men and women alike, so dating paradoxically is what brings the option of new life but we may 'die' in the process (according to the un-evolved part of our brain when triggered by fear). So as humans have done for thousands of years,  we try to make things safer... Our feelings guide our 'success' (even though flying on a plane is safer than a car and a kitchen is dirtier than a toilet), and in this context we have been able to remove fear and vulnerability through 'distance' which is achieved by 'safety in numbers'. Guys have used this approach for a while...  Have many girls being dated at the same time so it doesn't matter if one fails because there's others to fall back on and because you don't value one over the other, you don't care who comes or who goes.  Caring or not caring regulates emotions...  The more you care,  the more you fear losing,  the less you care... You guessed it,  the less you fear losing... It's also the fear of failure or wasting your time or feeling stupid...  If you invest in one person and it doesn't work out, it can evoke any number of the feelings above and some but having lots of people, it's just simple numbers,  some will come,  some will go but there will always be someone. Finally,  it makes us feel good,  even if the feeling is dripping with fraud, you feel loved or attractive, you feel wanted,  validated and accepted... We all want to matter and this is the fastest most convenient way to feel like it, and we all deserve to feel like we matter because we all do!

How to tell if you matter

If someone doesn't notice and appreciate what you bring, they aren't right for you.
S. Phelps

Make it about me if you want me to make it about you

"If you don't address my feelings, I won't listen to your facts"
– S J Phelps

The Pain of Feeling Like We Don't Matter

I believe that for us as humans everything stems from identity,  and the core component of that is feeling like we matter...  Anything that makes us feel like we don't matter hurts us in deep and profound ways.
The sad thing is most people's actions that make you feel like you don't matter are often a reflection on them,  not a reflection on you, we take it personally. How can you not? There was a great example in a book called 'walking on egg shells'and the example went something like this:
A bride chooses a church to get married in. A day before the wedding lightening strikes the church and it burns to the ground...  It is too late to find another venue. Naturally the Bride is very angry,  but she doesn't take it personally...  It's not like the lightening deliberately and intentionally was out to hurt the bride.

So much pain in life we take personally,  if we can try to understand pain is all around us and the people that love us rarely and truly don't want to hurt us,  but understand that they will... And when they do,  try to understand it's not about you,  it's probably more likely it's about them and their problems, pasts and mistakes.