When you ask someone to change, be careful. Usually you’re asking them to be more or do more. If they did succeed in changing to what you wanted, what then? More change? What happens when that succeeds? You and that person are now drifting away because in part you’re asking them to change so you don’t have to, you’re asking them to do more so you don’t have to do more. The divide gets larger. If this person really is doing all this changing and you’re not, aren’t you weirdly less now? Aren’t you falling behind? Aren’t you the stagnant one not capable of change? All the reasons you gave to that person in the first place to justify change, you are now yourself.
Ok so maybe you think they were far behind your standards and now they’re about level. They’ll still have resentment or even contempt because they have movement, they are “better” or “more” than they were Yesterday, where are you at? The same. You can’t win unless it’s a journey together, you can’t get what you want unless you share the burden, different things perhaps but equal energy, equal struggle, equal hope and equal ownership. It doesn’t have to be equal in real terms it just has to be an attempt.
Stop asking people to change unless you ask in the same breath, “does this outcome interest you? what can i do for you? What can i trade with you? What can i do to help you?
