Truth about your fears

Emotions like anxiety and fear have their roots in uncertainty, rarely in experience

People should be more like 'me'

Do you think everyone should be more like you?

If you said no, why do we then project how everyone should be all the time?

Why do I sometimes handle things really badly?

We default to handling old problems in old ways.

Phelps

Justification much?

Sometimes we find a reason in an action as an excuse instead of actioning a reason

Phelps

Simple.

People don't mind mastering what they're already good at. People can get good at things that are very straight forward/simple

Buying a book about the lottery for example.

The power of the question

The question is the most powerful thing a person has; you are dictating what a person thinks about!

Your perspective is so powerful

The mind can make heaven out of hell and hell out of heaven.

Why progress sometimes seems to go backward

Balancing scales rarely works first attempt

Yes is best?

It's easy to like someone who always says yes... It's hard to respect someone who always says yes.

You could be PC while not being 'PC'

When we talk about ‘boys do this’ and ‘girls are like that’ the PC police come in – and they’re right, but there’s some truth behind clichés and stereotypes sometimes… I think I’ve figured it out.

I think of evolution – Darwinism – we are how we are for a survival advantage. So some things exist because it does or at least it did have a good reason to exist. I think a lot of stereotypes or labels we put on genres, cultures, sexes ect are the ‘default’ almost the pre-set of your DNA – but the beauty of the human race is we can go against the default responses, we can choose to be different to what we ‘are’ or our natural responses, we are not fixed – but that means work, and many will take the path of least resistance which is ironically evolutionary to a degree.

Girls are self-conscious about beauty which would have had evolutionary reasons of being able to pick the best mates with the best genes to survive, and the ones who didn’t, their genes may have died off, but not all girls today are self-conscious about beauty, whether by design or by instinct because arguably the evolutionary reason isn’t important for survival anymore. That doesn’t mean the default setting switches off for most though…. Not in our life time’s anyway.

Love Complexity

You're heart is in it when you're there but your heart isn't in it very often to be there.

'Generosity'

It's easy to share food once you've had your fill

State of mind is the relationship

You can arrive in a relationship before it starts and leave a relationship before it ends.

What makes something 'normal'?

Apathy is the backdrop of normal.

Phelps

Big decision coming up?

Let your emotions subside before you decide

I can't afford to get tired

If that's the case,  maybe you can't afford not to? If your life has no room for things going on,  then your life is not healthy.

Which bad feelings to ignore?

"A sense of discomfort is at times an accurate signal we need to pay close attention to, at other times it's a false alarm that we need to ignore."

Do you know which to ignore and which to take seriously? Many get it wrong.

Anger tells us something is wrong.

Not all anger should be suppressed,  not all anger should be hidden.

Suicide?

Suicide. The pressure of 'should'!

Can you really have it all?

You can have it all,  but not all at the same time.

S. Phelps

The cost of the payoff

At some point everyone has the desire to 'take' deeper meaningful connections,  but not all are willing to 'give'.

Ask yourself,  can you really afford what you want?

Always pushing

We're never satisfied,  always stepping it to scary new levels - anyone is capable of anything at any time - good or bad.

http://awarenessact.com/artist-stood-for-6-hours-and-let-people-do-what-they-wanted-to-her-body/

How do you manage incompetent people?

All back to the boss (I am a boss) you can break up workers into a couple of category styles.

Motivation
Do they run towards something? OR
Do they run away from something?

Working style.
Do they want their job to reflect their identity OR
Do they want to just pay the bills?

Behavior style.
Do they like to think OR
Do they like to do.

The best bosses and businesses adapt to the styles and strengths of the people they get OR are great at recognising the right attributes for the right positions in the first place.

Most people don't know how to answer this,  but the question should be asked 'what do you want? What do you value'.  For most milenials it's not money,  hell it's not even less hours,  it's autonomy and purpose 'what I do matters to me and others, I make a positive difference' but some just want a golden path to money - they may not be a team player but some of the hardest workers if you dangle the carrot and manage their style.

Do you agree when you know you're wrong?

There are so many people concerned about defending and protecting their feelings that we rarely stop to think that we might already agree with them.
S. Phelps

If someone criticised you,  had you actually already throught the same thing? Why is it OK for us to be hard on ourselves then when someone else says aloud what we think,  we defend ourselves instinctively.

Chinese finger trap

We can't get ahead,  because we're so busy trying to get ahead.

~me

Procrastinate

“Most procrastination is caused by either fear or conflict,” says Christine Li, a clinical psychologist specializing in procrastination. Even if we’re motivated to accomplish a task, fear—of failure, criticism, or stress—pits us against ourselves. We want to finish the project, but we also don’t want our fear to become reality. “This conflict makes it seem like it would be unwise or even impossible to move forward,” says Li, “which explains why we sometimes procrastinate even when it makes no sense to do so.”

Just do something for 5mins,  and if you feel like stopping after that,  you can.

For those who have anxiety, here's how to silence it!

Remember Anxiety doesn't know the future - just what it is afraid of. "Nothing dangerous is happening right now" is a good reassurance

Aaron Ironside

Is peace, peace?

You cannot truly appreciate peace until you have been immersed in disharmony (to put it politely)

How to get rich?

Work hard and play hard,  but my work is play,  so it's never really work...  So just go hard at it!.

S. Phelps

What costs more than money?

We all seem to talk about the inflation of money,  it costs more for the same thing as time goes on,  but no one talks about the inflation of time,  the cost of my time verses what I get.  Why is this not factored into modern calculations and transactions?

The fear of loss

The Hierophant: A priest in ancient Greece who interprets sacred mysteries or esoteric principles.

The seeker, having created a solid foundation, is struck with a sudden fear. What if everything he’s worked for is taken away, stolen, lost, destroyed or vanishes?

In a panic he heads to find the Hierophant and receive his teachings.

He tells the Hierophant his fears and asks how he can be free of them.

“There are only two ways”, says the Hierophant:

“Either give up that, which you fear to lose, so it no longer holds any power over you”, or
“Consider what you will still have if your fear comes to pass.”

“After all,” the Hierophant continues, “if you did lose all you’d built, you would still keep the experience and knowledge that you’ve gained up to this point, wouldn’t you?”

We're not in love anymore

Arranged marriages aren't good right!? Marry for love,  isn't that the only true way?
Is it?
I'm a middle class white male in the western world and you are only with someone because you love them right? Right?

Is Tinder the new arranged marriage? But instead of parents or culture or class or society choosing for you, you are choosing out of a lineup.  Free will,  hardly like arranged marriage right? Right? But is it still like an arranged marriage when you kind of fall into relationships because you want to be with someone...  Do you love love more than loving that person? Do you really know that person? You date on a premise - I'm wanting a relationship - I have another 10 prospects in the waiting room - it used to be like fishing, you take your time,  you fish in a certain way in a certain place at a certain time, and when you catch that right fish,  you're so excited,  it's got all your attention and energy,  nothing else matters...  Tinder is like fishing with a net...  See what crap you scoop up and dump it all to go again...  It's not a hobby like fishing is, it's now a job,  a commodity,  a slave to a system,  a treadmill...  Is dating really about love? Or desperation,  fulfilling a feeling,  a hole...
So many you don't love them - they just give you what you 'need'

Why are things that seem simple so hard?

A simple summary of tasks doesn't make tasks simple.

S Phelps

Secret to personal growth sumed up shorter than this title.

Be OK saying yes when you don't feel worthy,  and no when it's not worth it.
S Phelps

Do you really like 'new'?

People Don’t Want Something Truly New, They Want the Familiar Done Differently.

from Nir Eyal

Suffering is optional!

I decided pain doesn't always equal harm, sometimes enduring pain can be for your good.

Quote by haruki murakami: Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.

Is this too much apart of who you are?

It is not necessary to be loyal to your suffering.

Powerful life motto

Don't believe everything you think.

Been hurt by someone lately?

Take a breath and acknowledge that 95% of what someone else does has absolutely nothing to do with you. Yes--even if you feel that they've talked about you, misused you or done you other wrongs, still their main concern isnot you. It's them. Trust this: realizing that other people with no "investment" in you also have no "interest" in you--and that their activity probably has nothing to do with you--is a big part of forgiving and being less paranoid. So spend extra time with this one idea:"Convince yourself that the other person is pretty ignorant when it comes to you and your feelings--and so, you need not worry about them!"

Christianity dying? it doesn't have to.

We have observed, in the last half-century, an endless line of proposals and plans for ‘reviving,’ or ‘renewing,’ or ‘revitalizing’ the nation’s tired old denominations. To my knowledge, however, no one has yet succeeded in turning around a declining denomination. ~ George Hunter III

The solution.

Authenticly and relevance.

What do you mean?

I'm 30, born in 1986 going to a variety of denominations both because of family and choice... The pattern I noticed is people are with a particular denomination either because it's what their family believed or it was a reflection of themselves in some way,  I believe secularly it's called your 'tribe'. In my time on this earth, I've seen the noise grow,  in the late 90s advertisers had the rule of 7... After the 7th time,  people would be conscious of your message... early 2000s it was the rule of 9... 2017 it's now up to 24... When I wake up,  as I get ready for work I've already been exposed to hundreds of brands,  messages,  the noise of life...  There is one thing which cuts through in 2017 ... Simplicity and/or authenticity. Tradition is fine,  but if no one can tell simply or authenticly why,  it's not relevant and it's not authentic... 'that's how we've always done it' is an immediate fail,  'because the Bible says so' is a fail...  It's not against the Bible or the traditions,  replace the word Bible with literally anything else and the result is the same...  The paradox is we are after knowing why without it being complex...  The theory goes that if you can explain your subject matter to a 6 year old,  you truly understand.  Jesus did the same simplicity approach... It was simple,  it was relevant to the audience which was relateable and how he lived his life and how he spoke it was authentic...
In a world where we (milenials)  don't trust anyone,  we crave 'real'
Of course 'how' to achieve this I could talk for hours,  but it's best to start at 'what'.
The biggest hurdle is the 'I want to know why' with 'I don't trust you' and 'get to the point in a way I can understand without thinking too hard'... I will say this,  if you follow these two traits,  you can figure out how...
"the path of least resistance" and "a simple lie is more believable than a complicated truth"
Example.  Cold water freezes faster than hot water.
It sounds right but it's actually a lie... But as I start to explain the stupidly complex reason why hot water freezes faster than cold water,  the effort to understand why becomes greater than the desire to know which means the path of least resistance is to not care/not pursue the answer.

Finally regarding relevance...  "if you care about what I think,  I'll listen to what you have to say" everyone has an opinion, deep down,  it's not about being right,  it's about being valued,  needing to matter. Most people tie their opinions into their identity...  So when we argue with them,  it's not about someone rejecting their opinion,  we're rejecting them as a person. It's a hard way to live,  but somehow that's how this generation work.

And whether you think I'm right or wrong, does it matter? depending on what you want to achieve I guess, thrown out a statement,  as a non church goer I have data from outside the walls representing a demographic that has to be represented if looking to the future. If you feel my voice does not reflect milenials...  Ask yourself why? Search for other people in the milenials who are on the cusp of church...  We not only know why,  we have solutions...  We want what you want,  and even though it might not seem like it,  we're on the same side.

I'm happy to answer any questions but I probably won't go down a path of trying to defend my stance,  it's not tied to my identity so I don't mind if I don't hear any support for these ideas 😊

I wish you well in your journey to find knowledge and understanding,  peace be with you.

The forgotten post

I forget what I need to remember and remember what I need to forget.

And if I looked back through my blog,  I'd probably find this quote I wrote already,  but I can't remember,  and if I didn't,  I forgot to put it in earlier.

Has our desire for more cost us more?

Once upon a time- a single income family working a 40 hour week could afford a home. Then one day Joe Bloggs thought- hey if I do overtime I'll get ahead! And he did! Then everyone thought- hey look at Joe. So everyone got on the band wagon. So now everyone need to work overtime to keep up. So Joes wife Jane thinks- hey if I work too then we get ahead! And they did! Surprise! Everyone thinks- look at Joe and Jane and jump in the band wagon. Then Jane starts working overtime and so on..
So now every house hold has to had 2 people working full time jobs and overtime just to buy that same home that a single 40 hour week income could buy.
We price ourselves out of the market because we do not value our own time enough, it is not sustainable and something has to give!

Just a comment I read tonight

Silenced?

I think some people equate not being the only voice in the room as having no voice in the room.

Some comment I read.

Hard Work is Meaningless Unless...

Thomas Merton, "People may spend their whole lives climbing the ladder of success only to find, once they reach the top, that the ladder is leaning against the wrong wall."

Why does everyone think they could be a better boss?

People love to have an opinion or the power to make a call which is why being a boss seems so appealing...  Free will right? Not really...  Because as a boss you need to have opinions on things which you don't care about,  aren't interested in,  and have to make calls which are big in nature when you don't feel like it.
There's no more or less free will having power, it's just what you do and don't have power over shifts.

Why does music suck?

"For you, if it sounds good, it's music. If it doesn't then it's not"   
-Sam Phelps

Even though you're right, you're still wrong.

"Even though your idea is better, I like my idea better because I understand it."

Why doesn't anybody love me?

February 14th… the love/hate day of the year… You are either reminded of what you have, or what you don't have.
We all have an internal desire not to just be loved, but also to be allowed to give love… When we miss an ex - we miss the right to love and be loved freely - we don't miss them/what made them become an ex. On this day, more people break up than any other day (according to Facebook). It's also the day that makes more people miserable than perhaps happy. Why? It forces us to be honest and real with ourselves, it makes us reflect on things we've avoided, thoughts we have buried and feelings we deny. If you are feeling lonely today, remember, you do have love in your life… from maybe a pet to maybe a parent - you can give love, you can bless others and I hope you receive love too! don't be afraid, you will find love… but love yourself first, learn how to be kind to yourself, "You only accept the love you think you deserve" so if you don't like yourself very much - you may never let in anyone enough to truly experience love and have trouble giving them love because you feel what you have is not enough… It is… if it's from the heart, from you and you meant it, it's enough! Learn your love language, (Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service) understand what makes you tick so you can help others love you in the way that speaks to you.
Be brave… be honest… don't settle…. be kind… be you, because you are enough.

Why do so many people believe Donald Trump?

A simple to understand lie is often more believable than a complicated truth.

Phelps

Where stupid is actually smart

If someone says something so stupid it leaves us speechless/bemused, aren't we the stupid one,  just with extra range because of the fact we don't understand.

You are wrong! Unless you're not.

There's a picture going around of two people facing each other...  In the middle is either a 6 or a 9 ... Both think they are right...  Then someone added that just because they both think they are right, that doesn't mean one isn't wrong,  and about adjusting perspective to see which it actually is not just want you think it is...  This is my response.

Really cool,  really interesting...  I love how the original picture got me thinking,  liked it and said the end.  Never to dwell again,  then this comes along and make me think again, the original I was sure of, this challenges that notion and makes me want to go down the rabbit hole...

Why we can't figure shit out is we are arguing over different things masquerading as the same thing... 

Straight away any topic is either perception or reality. Some topics, sure, lend itself to reality - the distance from Sydney to Melbourne - I have a ruler, I've measured it, we all have a ruler to measure it which at some point we all agreed is a unit of measurement.
Some things lend themselves to perception - tomato tastes awesome!
How about flipping fact and feeling - I feel like its a longer  trip thanthe ruler tells me because the car radio is broken and the engine is clunky. That's Perception...  Tomato contains natural MSG - that's fact.

The 6, or the 9... Both are right and wrong and the person adding the text is both right and wrong,  because it all depends on the parameters you've set out. If it's opinion based like the taste of food,  both are right...  If it's about it can only be one number,  both are wrong,  if we use the origin of the intended design,  this contributor adding red text is right,  if the actual designer of this pic had a different intention,  then that cancels out the bolted on intention of the contributor...  Then in your opinion I am wrong regardless of how long I take to craft a balanced argument, while others may think I'm right either because they already have this opinion and I've reinforced it or the much less likely; someone has/will change their mind because of the rational behind my point...

What is the point?

Maybe it's less about being right and wrong...  We can all change the parameters to suit the win...  It's about being on the same page where even though you don't agree with something, you have enough knowledge on the subject to be able to successfully debate the opposing side...  "even though that opinion is wrong,  I can see why they came to that mindset in the fireplace".

But what about people who can't do that? Why should we be the one to bridge the gap to the racists,  biggots, stubborn, sexist, shallow, closed minded, evil people?

http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2013/11/fighting-prejudice-by-admitting-it/
Unfortunately we are all as prejudice as each other - only some people attack 'fixed' things (stuff that can't be changed,  race,  sexuality, history etc)  while others are prejudice against things are are 'perceived' to be fluid (non fixed choices - things that I could change if they 'wanted' to like religion,  character,  behavior, opinion)

Example: Let's say a guy beats up his kids - not acceptable - he should change,  nay,  be punished, Nay put to death,  Nay tortured.  The end.

Wait...  Will any of these scenarios heighten or lower you outrage?

* This man can from wealth and privilege.
* This man is a celebrity who is known for being a nice guy.
* This guy is passionately religious.
* This man is just some guy who saw his family murdered when he was a child,  adopted by a pedophile and was abusived every day there after until 16.

How are you going so far? For each example - do you have a scaling of justice? It's just your opinion,  your perception of justice and fair based on what he could choose and when,  and what he couldn't choose and when....  But even still, it's an explanation,  there's not an excuse right? He could still choose not to beat up his kids.  So because he could choose,  shouldn't he just not in the first place regardless of any of life's situations?

Hold up! MAOA and CDH13. Not Star Wars characters,  they are colloquially called the warrior gene. Genetic predispositions which are either turned on or left dormant forever...  How? Abuse, violence and major dysfunction at childhood. If someone has the gene but has a good upbringing (not fearing for their life essentially) it never activates. It's probably in agreement that a child generally doesn't choose how they are raised and treated yes? So combine nature and nurture and we have an adult to grow up violent with as much choice as someone who has a different skin colour or sexual preference.
So now a sub option:

* This man was abused as a child and does not have the warrior gene.
* This man was abused as a child and does have the warrior gene...

Is all of the points for you have different scalings of justice still? Why? Depending on the angle and 'facts' it determines the outcome right?

Hold up again!
www.geneticliteracyproject.org/2016/07/29/does-the-human-warrior-gene-make-violent-criminals-and-what-should-society-do/amp/
Then you've got facts which are changing...  The warrior gene is now being contested not of its existence but of its trigger...  Even though the majority of the scientific community believe something, does that mean it's true? Or is this one rouge research team in Finland about to make a new fact? I don't know,  maybe you don't either...

I don't know about you,  I'm getting pretty tried thinking about all this,  if you've read this far,  cool,  few will...  Why? It's hard to think this deeply and consider all sides... B it's easier to shout what we 'know' than challenge it day in day out...  This is why most people in the end go for cheap,  quick intuition which is determined by feelings... Can you really blame people for not knowing things when it's so much work to be educated? Maybe. Can you punish someone for being ignorant? I'm sure we are all capable. We all have a story and reasons,  even if we ourselves don't know our reasons... If you truly want someone to change their opinion,  make them feel like they matter as a person,  because there's a good chance you don't really think they matter,  how rude and blind,  how stubborn and closed minded,  how ignorant... You don't respect them so they won't change your opinion to their side will they? So why would it work in reverse?

If you really want to win...  Agree first (even if you don't)  then make suggests of 'improvement' notice I kind of did that at the top?

Whether the picture is a 6, a 9, a g, a map, a drawing,  a new toy... Whatever you call it, it exists.... Unless it doesn't.

Life Balance

Take the good stuff in stride and enjoy it but not get too attached.
Take the bad stuff in stride as well. Develop serenity or peacefulness of mind that allows you to look at what happens in your life with a bit of detachment.