Deny, deny, deny.

Denying a reality you don't like doesn't change the consequences of that reality.
Phelps

You are not as kind as you think you are.

If your kindness doesn't give the person receiving kindness any agency, voice or respect... It's not kindness.

kindness fails when it's disrespectful.

Sometimes we're using kindness for only selfish reasons... maybe to prop up our own image in the eyes of ourselves or of the people around us. Maybe it's control, maybe to make people feel the way you want them to feel.

Like most things, it's the honest motives that help determine, but unfortunately this is one of the easiest categories to deny because no one can really call you out... it's super ambiguous.

Why you do what you do when you don't know why you did what you did

Our 'animal' actions and reactions are shaped by our conscious and subconscious thoughts and cultural environments by either our design or by accident.

"The talk" ugh

Avoiding problems is not the same as not having problems and not discussing problems doesn’t make them go away.

Are you accidentally the most morally upright human?

We have both the right and responsibility to champion the causes which matter to us and the people under our duty of care (by design or fate). We have both the right and responsibility to take actions which help us survive, be fine or perhaps thrive, but not to the significant detriment of others for the insignificant or incremental gains for yourself and the people under your care.
How do you measure that?
There's always someone better off than you and always someone worse off than you.
If you have no headspace, no money and no time (not by choice), you are trying to survive. If you have any one of those things, you have hope. If you have any two of those things you are fine. If you (could choose) to have all of those things, you are thriving.
Know thy self. Get to know your shadow and stop lying to yourself. Stop being a victim, stop being a hero.
It is what it is, this too shall pass.

I was inspired to write this after watching this https://youtu.be/bounwXLkme4

You're faster and slower than you think you are

We over estimate how fast we are in the short term, we underestimate how much we can achieve in the long term.

"We over estimate how much we can do in a year and under estimate how much we can do in 10 years".

What are you getting yourself into?

Perhaps before you interact with others over a controversial topic, establish... Is this a curious discussion? A heated discussion? Or a metaphorical burn at stake?

Formula for success?

Success happens when hard work shakes hands with bravery and knowledge.

~ Phelps

Stay or move?

Work where you live, or live where you work?

Men, you’ll never be that attractive, but it may not matter.

..."In fact, some evolutionary psychologists have argued that throughout human history, dominance has been more important than attractiveness for men’s mating success."...

So this attractive notion the West has created, men have bought into the lie...
The aim isn't to be attractive (although it's not discouraged) it's to show dominance, give the impression or perception (not necessarily actual dominance)
Let's call it 'signaling'.

Lazy pun

I just wondered, if there are any verbs for lazy people...

Think about it...

Are people attacking you? How?

When someone attacks the process instead of the substance of an argument, you know you are in the right, or at least more right than the attacker.

Next level - when someone attacks instead of holds their position, it means you're probably on the correct path.

Next level again - when the attacker asks all the questions, difficult questions which may or may not be related. Questions are powerful, they control the situation. The more words the defender has to say against these kind of attacking questions, the more guilty the defender seem.

When something is wrong but seem like you made it up

We remember feelings, vibes and the 'spirit' of prior events, but it's really difficult to remember and hold onto details. That's why it seems like we're just throwing out wild accusations when trying to communicate with someone an issue from the past without 'hard evidence'.

Want to be liked by everyone?

Lower others anxiety and pay attention.

What's the problem? Fastest way to figure it out

Figure out the problem the fastest by asking this question...
"What would you like me to be sorry about?"

What's the point?

What's the point?

The point is the point.

How often do we just do, always ask yourself, what is the actual point of this?  What's this things objective? Why do this? What's that outcome which got this going?
What's the point?

Don't forget the point of something.

Talking to girls: be nice, not creepy

Instead of saying 'I like your earrings', say 'those are cool hoop earrings'.

It's less about her and her choice (a comment on her) and more about 'it' and it's value (a comment on something you have in common - both thinking it's cool enough to wear and cool enough to comment).

Your dark side walks beside you

Get to know you're own shadow. Whether you like it or not, you'll be traveling together forever.

I forgot to remember again.

Why are some things which are so important (and you know it) so forgettable?

Not paying attention enough?

Pay attention
Pay attention
Pay attention
Pay attention
Pay attention
Pay attention

You don't want authentic.

People say they want 'authentic'. I think we mean 'immersive'.
Authentic is more boring and troublesome than you think, select authentic is what we're after, which creates immersion.

'the good old days of...'

I've noticed that big things get big because they act like they are small, and then proceed to get 'small' because they got big pretending to be small.

Know thyself?

Know thyself?

Old V Young - which version of 'you' knows best?

"When you were young, you knew better than the old, then when you got old you knew better than the young"
Phelps

How do you know what's left unsaid?

How many silent agreements do you have in your life?

Problems, complex problems... solutions?

Complex problems often don't need complex solutions.

Stop trying to have it all with no costs - it fucks with what you have

Bad luck occurs when you want to counteractive forces to give you only their positives and neither of their negatives.

Are braggers insecure?

People like talking about things they like.

When to ignore and when to embrace change

Today is not deciding tomorrow, today is for grieving.
Today is not for grieving, today is deciding tomorrow.

Does 'communication' work?

If you approach a crucial conversation with a story and conclusion already in mind, there's no room for dialogue because your mind is already made up.

The best emotion for drive?

Passion is no match against fear.

How do you know if it's paranoia or instinct?

Where's the line between instinct and paranoia? Experience and questions on one side, fear and assumptions on the other.

Life used to be simpler ... Are you sure?

I used to think life used to be simple but now complicated. I don't think that anymore, I think life always was complicated but it was simple in our options how to deal with it.
Simple doesn't necessarily mean easy.

Winning with facts is fiction

Facts aren't some superpower which wins all battles, but charm might be.
Phelps

Do you really know what you know?

Always test your assumptions if you stand to gain or lose a lot by being wrong.
Phelps

Should you ask for anything and everything?

Everyone is allowed to ask for things. And when you do, wonderful things tend to happen.
Phelps

Intent verses action

Intent verses action.
Do you want to reward yourself for intent? Do you get punished' because of your actions (or lack there of)?

Maybe there needs to be an 'aware middle'

Manslaughter is probably the best example of this.
You drunk with a friend, you drive the car, they go car surfing on the roof while you drive. They come off, hit their head and subsequently die.
Was it your intent to kill them? No. But the end results of your actions caused a death.
In the courts, the difference between murder and manslaughter is intent. So clearly it matters. But someone lost a life through your actions so clearly that matters too.

The social tribe war is here

If we can't convince people our tribe is 'right' or 'the best' can we at least ally with others instead?

The social tribe war is here.
It's a strange time to be alive, anyone can find a very specific and niche tribe, and we're getting territorial, we're less patient, and if you criticise us, you must be our enemy.
It sounds a lot like the old days of literal tribes based on culture, geography and religion, it was very black and white, but we grew and understood other countries are different to us...

I wonder if we can borrow some lessons from history...

If you have a tribe, big or small, and another tribe does things that are completely different to your beliefs, could we maybe see them as our ally rather than 'you are with us or against us'
What's the most extreme different tribes you think you could ally with? That doesn't mean you agree with them and all they do, but they probably can't/don't hurt you? Why start a war because of differences, when you can ally and exist side by side happily doing what you both want to do.
Perhaps you'll need to hold two conflicting points of view simultaneously. Perhaps.

Post truth affirmation categories

There's only 4 arguments on the internet
1 my world (what I know and see)
2 'the' world ('facts')
3 equality (the game today)
4 equity (the game today, yesterday and tomorrow)

New addition to this in 2019

These are filtered by
1 the world how it is
2 the world how you think it ought to be
3 the world being not grasped
3 the world 'how it is' but it just ain't so

Fear and fuss

It's befuddled me of how much fear is in the world over things that aren't really anything, which causes a lot of fuss over very little... has it always been this way and I just notice more now or has it got worse with the kind of world we're apart of?

Miss a moment of you

Is there a word for missing people who they were in a moment in time?

Goals out, systems in

Goals are good for planning your progress, while systems are good for actually making progress.

https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/an-nearly-foolproof-way-to-achieve-every-goal-you-set-wed.html