If your kindness doesn't give the person receiving kindness any agency, voice or respect... It's not kindness.
kindness fails when it's disrespectful.
Sometimes we're using kindness for only selfish reasons... maybe to prop up our own image in the eyes of ourselves or of the people around us. Maybe it's control, maybe to make people feel the way you want them to feel.
Like most things, it's the honest motives that help determine, but unfortunately this is one of the easiest categories to deny because no one can really call you out... it's super ambiguous.
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