Learning is like trying to find the end of the Earth...

The more I understand,  the more I realise how little I understand

Good Cop Bad Cop

If you have a bag of weed in your car,  the police are your enemy...  If you are held hostage,  the police are your hero.

Lazy Gullible Fools (power of association)

Ever heard the term 'power of association'? Why is it so important to us?  Does it help the feeling of trust without having to think and make our own decisions?

This article inspired my thoughts today.

http://mobile.news.com.au/lifestyle/food/bda-releases-top-5-worst-celebrity-diets-to-avoid-in-2015/story-fneuz8zj-1227153552000

Are we lazy? Are we foolish? Or are we just misguided by the world's propaganda?

Good to Bad Shifting Scale

To have a high you need to have lows,  how do you know how high or low is if there is no point of difference...  Try having 3 cups of water,  cold,  room temp warm, hot.  If I dip my hand into the cold first,  the middle feels warm,  if I dip my hand into hot the middle then feels cool...  Oh relativity...  A blessing and a curse, you can make good things bad and bad good,  make good things great and bad things catastrophic it all just depends on how you look at it and relative to.
Nothing is ever just good or bad.

Cute

Are things that are cute, like baby animals etc,  cute because they are small or because of how they look? Or another possibility that I haven't thought of....

UPDATE SEPTEMBER, 2015

Most things look 'cute' because of the eye size ratio to the body, most mammals are born with their adult eyes and their body grows into them. 

The Pain of Feeling Like We Don't Matter

I believe that for us as humans everything stems from identity,  and the core component of that is feeling like we matter...  Anything that makes us feel like we don't matter hurts us in deep and profound ways.
The sad thing is most people's actions that make you feel like you don't matter are often a reflection on them,  not a reflection on you, we take it personally. How can you not? There was a great example in a book called 'walking on egg shells'and the example went something like this:
A bride chooses a church to get married in. A day before the wedding lightening strikes the church and it burns to the ground...  It is too late to find another venue. Naturally the Bride is very angry,  but she doesn't take it personally...  It's not like the lightening deliberately and intentionally was out to hurt the bride.

So much pain in life we take personally,  if we can try to understand pain is all around us and the people that love us rarely and truly don't want to hurt us,  but understand that they will... And when they do,  try to understand it's not about you,  it's probably more likely it's about them and their problems, pasts and mistakes.

I Understand That I Don't Understand

If there is something you don't get,  you don't understand,  then you don't get it and don't understand.

http://mobile.news.com.au/national/nsw-act/dramatic-moment-miracle-baby-was-pulled-from-storm-drain-after-surviving-five-days/story-fnii5s3x-1227132456229

I'm reading this article and I'm not understanding why the mother did what she did...  Then I realised,  I don't understand because I don't understand...  Anything that happens obviously happened and everything happens for a reason regardless of if we understand or not... We will never be inside the minds of these people and few have the ability to explain why,  and even if they do,  that doesn't mean we will accept what they have to say... But once again that doesn't change that it happened and it happened for a reason regardless if we understand why,  or we don't.

Amnesia Post... Advice to myself!

Where's the line between realistic and pessimistic?  Where's the line between hope and ignorance?  Do we lie or twist the truth to give us false hope do we warp or focus too much on negative outcomes...  Make sure your hope is real because negativity might be just being realistic and make sure negativity/worry don't overpower the possibilities of the good.

Both Good and Bad

If you don't think all you'll ever use is instinct...

Depending on who you are you could take that either way.

The Cycle of Greed (rise and fall)

Greed.  Greed can be the builder and the destroyer.  Think of someone with a good idea,  works hard,  is resourceful, takes time to develop the product and idea,  finely tunes and ultimately becomes a success...  This success gives them  more money and options which is then used to build up more and then to build on top of that...  They becomes more successful than was ever planned...  Where is the peak? At some point,  they realise maybe you could make more by cutting costs,  speeding up processes,  floating the company,  bringing in outsiders to diversify and reach wider audiences... Now there's not just expectations but targets that an accountant,  a lawyer and a stock broker start to enforce,  you have a bad week...  Oh no,  profits are down,  cut something from the budget,  investigate what happened,  create safety nets but can't spend any more money...  Cut costs,  move funding from the original projects and departments to stop legal proceedings,  satisfy the spread sheets,  cut more staff,  get fewer to do more,  simple maths right? Bad reviews,  people are complaining,  customers are leaving,  loyalty is down,  skepticism is up...  Share prices fall...  Panic...  Cut more costs to keep profits up,  product suffers, quality people no longer want to work there or be associated with your brand...  Hopes of less skilled cheaper workers with expensive consultants/managements become the plan...  It turns from practice to pure theory and numbers on a page,  why is the company still failing. There are only so many excuses investors will accept,  they leave in droves,  debts are piling up,  sell and sack and ship to keep a float... It sinks with nothing left but the thoughts that inspired,  maintained and destroyed it.

Know where to start,  know where to stop. 

Where the title is longer than the question

What is truth?

Open to Being Closed

Isn't it unusual...  We live in what some would say, a closed minded world...  But more and more are becoming open minded,  and in a way forcing their open minded message on 'closed minded' people (which is only a perception from your point of view) ... So why are the 'open minded' closed to the idea of being closed...  So to be open minded is to accept others choices with sometimes the absence of understanding ... If we were truly open minded,  maybe we would stop trying to train the closed minded to think like us.

Tough Love

What do you think about tough love?  I think maybe it's good for us sometimes... Do we or should we respect the person dishing it out...  I guess it depends on the motives.

There's a show called Sports Science... I'm not sure how reputable there are in the science world but they are a lot like mythbusters so I feel comfortable that their findings are accurate. The test was which coach gets the most out of their players,  the father like/praise and encouragement type,  or the pusher, punisher, aggressive to the point of abusive sometimes. Their conclusion was the latter got more out of their players. Take whatever meaning you like from that...  Maybe sports and regular life are different...  Maybe not?  Either way,  you have to push or be pushed to be great.  

I forget

It scares me how much we really forget and how our memories are altered by our feelings

Comfort in Pain?

I have a different angle thought....

If physical (coupled with thought) pleasure is more random and takes more and more to receive/enjoy it and our bodies change,  could physical pain be comforting because it's consistent? In a world and mind that is so unsure and inconsistent, could apart of the pain appeal be because it's guaranteed? Because it's simple and it's the same in any language?  And if you do get used to that level of pain,  isn't it much easier to control and increase the pain than to increase pleasure?
So if you are one of the individuals that 'get' this world and take delight in it,  in a way you are the luckiest of all because you'll enjoy it for the rest of your life if you choose... Guaranteed!

Fighting unfair

Is the accusations of sexism,  racism,  homophobia ways to win arguments?

Just un-intelligent arguments to justify or enforce someone's way of life and shunning others points of difference and preferences.

Sometimes we can't articulate what we mean in an argument,  so we try to get the! 'right result' by finding other ways of winning. Just because you can't articulate as well as the other guy,  doesn't mean you're less right, but it also doesn't give you the right to find alternative hurtful points that have nothing to do with the argument you're trying to win for the sake of winning.

Fight fair.

Creativity Slavery

Why do we want to control creativity?  Are we scared. I think because people don't know how or where they get their thoughts,  they fear that one day they'll lose it...  That's a real fear, Sting from the band The Police, has the fear of a blank note pad...  That fear of one day you just 'loose it'. It's interesting that kids don't have this fear...  Well not instinctively...  Its beautiful to just create and not worry about the end result,  just do it for the enjoyment of.

I think...  I think...  The worst thing you can do is have something spacific in mind and chase that...  Because you could be chasing your whole life,  chase the feeling instead!

Controlling Mind Games

Normal people doing their best and making normal mistakes.
It's said that modern education and learning techniques discourage and punish mistakes,  so we instinctively avid things that we might get wrong... 

Ever had that person in your life that is always on your back or criticising you? No matter how much you do right,  they'll make a big deal about that one tiny mistake.

Is there a chance they don't want us to get it right? They aren't over critical,  they are looking for your flaws and failures,  they could be deliberately setting you up for failure...  We all want to be praised and accepted so often we work harder to please the person who cannot be pleased. Maybe we should ask ourselves what these people's motives are...  And if it's not about the spirit of or the ethic of,  then chances are its not the mistakes that are the problem...  To them, you are the problem!

They are the one with the problem,  not you. Its their problem, not yours and don't let it be, don't let yourself play their games...  Stop trying to get it right for them,  because in their eyes you probably never will.

Step back a little closer. Is your marriage doomed before it starts?

In the end, some partners feel that their problems will solve themselves in due time, or that their problems are “too small” to seek therapy for. Showing that time doesn’t necessarily heal all wounds, the median duration of a marriage ending in divorce in Australia was recorded at 12.2 years in 2011, with nearly 50,000 divorces being granted in the same year.

“It isn’t a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

How long will yours last? Why? What will you do about it? Can you do something about it before you even start the relationship?

Maybe being truthful to yourself and about yourself,  being honest and acting on it.  Easier said than done. Don't be afraid of someone rejecting you for you in the first few dates,  because if you show them someone you're not,  they'll still reject you,  just a much longer time later.

Inner world, outer world

What if you had no way of saying what you had to say,  or showing how you feel,  demonstrating your meaning or even having no way of letting others know you 'exist'

www.sbs.com.au/news/article/2014/10/14/it-was-being-buried-alive-what-its-have-locked-syndrome

Although this is the most extreme example,  I believe most of us in some way have trouble communicating ... And in the western world that my perspective comes from,  who ever articulates best is right...  But are they?  Just because someone is better at rationalization does that make them more right than the person that can't say what they're trying to say?

Knowledge, Motion, Action, Avoidance.

Aristotle said, “The more you know, the more you know you don’t know.” 

I wonder if we put too much emphasis on learning...  Sometimes...  I feel like some people study because it's an excuse to not take any real action...  It's like preparing for a meal,  buying the food but never cooking it...  At some point,  a good quality of your investment is wasted...  Maybe...  Sometimes you just gotta start doing it,  not prepare for it...  I don't think we really ever truly feel ready for big steps forward,  so stop waiting for the feeling

Even if know one reads this,  I need to hear this for myself...  Follow my own advice.

I learnt the difference between motion and action recently.  Motion is reading that book on health,  buying those running shoes,  getting that gun membership... Action is actually following that books advice,  running in those shoes and attending that gym. 
I'm the first to admit I usually put way to much into motion and not enough into action...  However I know many people that are reverse,  they put a lot of effort taking action only to find it was a waste of time and effort,  they can spend their whole lives working their ass off and not really have much to show for it.  To put it a simpler way...  They worked harder,  not smarter.

I guess the key like so many things, is balance.
I've been thinking of doing a blog for a while,  imagining the topics,  thinking of the benefits  like having a mental history for myself and being able to reflect etc but it's only me doing it that makes it a reality,  so maybe if in doubt go for action over motion... Maybe.

"Work beats talent when talent doesn't work"

Pain, Punishment and Pleasure

Pavlok electric shock punishment

Crowd funding

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/pavlok-the-habit-changing-device-that-shocks-you

Promo video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYvpvz_bzmI

I read an article today that really stood out.  I looked more into it and it's basically a company that wants to keep you accountable to yourself by punishing you when you don't do what you say you want to do.

Pain is iinevitable in life,  but I believe you can choose to a degree where when and how that pain happens. 

I like the idea,  there are two types of people,  those mainly driven by reward and those mainly driven by undesirable consequences...  'carrot or stick' philosophy. Both work,  it just depends on the type of person and the choices you make.

An explination I found:

First, you could dangle a carrot in front of the donkey, fooling the donkey into thinking that if he pulls the cart far enough, he’ll get to eat the carrot.

The second is to prod the donkey along the road by hitting him with a stick.

If the donkey is motivated by the ultimate reward of a carrot, the stick won’t be necessary,
but if he’s not really all that interested in carrots, then the stick will be employed.

Either way, through reward or through punishment, the cart driver gets what he wants.

Contributors Justin Taylor

Science says that pain and pleasure are in a lot of ways, intertwined,  a paradox where pain causes pleasure. 

http://m.livescience.com/27462-relief-makes-pain-feel-good.html

Some philosophers would say there is no pleasure without the contrast of pain.

I could go on as pain and pleasure is a passionate topic of mine,  but I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes. 

Haruki Murakami: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

Different

What is different?

adjective

1.

not alike in character or quality; differing; dissimilar:

The two are different.

2.

not identical; separate or distinct:

three different answers.

3.

various; several:

Different people told me the same story.

4.

not ordinary; unusual.

yeah yeah, but what does it mean for me, or you to be different? and if so many of us are different, doesn't that make us kind of the same?

Can two people who are very different get along? Well maybe if they appreciate their differences but that means both people have to be the same in that particular belief, and perhaps in other ways be the same... So what are the parts/beliefs/choices that we can be different with, and get along? And what are the parts that we have to be the same in order to get along, to 'fit' together?

First Impressions

"We judge books by their covers, and we can't help but do it," says Nicholas Rule of the University of Toronto. "With effort, we can overcome this to some extent, but we are continually tasked with needing to correct ourselves." The less time we have to make our judgments, the more likely we are to go with our gut, even over fact, he says

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/02/140214111207.htm

I'm a massive fan of psychology, I've always wanted to become a psychologist, but is it possible there are just 'powers' that aren't quantifiable, other senses in play? I mean, what is 'fact' anyway? Science keeps changing the facts and all it's various data spin off genres like psych do the same.

I met 3 people last night... and I don't believe I need the 'facts' to get an idea of who they are as people... I could see in their eyes they were very kind, empathetic, aware, intelligent, strong sense of identity... maybe first impressions are so important is because all our senses are active in that moment and our 'gut' is one of them. I personally believe based on my life and interactions I have what the psych world calls 'people intelligence' (look below for explanation)... so I argue the paragraph at the top of the page... Is the 'fact' getting in the way of our gut judgement?
I get the general vibe of what they are trying to portray... 'don't judge and come to a conclusion and that's all they are and who they'll ever be' but the way both society and the science world's angle on this really have my gut feeling funny...

Some would argue... 'how do you know?, 'how do you know if they are kind and empathetic, aware, intelligent...' etc... well I don't, and I don't think often the individual residing in themselves knows for sure either, or other variables changes based on time, place, event and feeling can turn the most caring person into someone fighting for their life.
There's a wrong perception that most people 'know' they like that boy, they don't like that girl, I feel happy, I know what's wrong with my life... so many people don't know... they change their mind, they are insecure, they have fears and worries and chemical/hormonal changes and secrets and pasts.

What I will agree with completely is that we are all complex creatures, we are all capable of anything at any time, good or bad, we can and will change from moment to moment and year to year, nothing is certain... who we are in the now and who we choose to be is closest thing to 'fact' we may ever get.

People Intelligence.
People high in personal intelligence are able to understand personalities—their own and those of other people. They recognize clues about other people, form models of people that are relatively accurate, make choices taking into account their own and other people's personalities, and set reasonable goals. The key distinguishing feature of these individuals is their ability to solve problems related to understanding personality. These adept thinkers possess “abilities by definition”—and that is the key to identifying them.  

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-personality-analyst/201404/how-high-is-your-personal-intelligence

Loss

This thought came about when I lost a very detailed post yesterday, the android app likes to delete all the text you've typed when you stay out of the app window for too long... but I digress.

Loss is a part of life, but I think it happens way more than we acknowledge and we (in the english/western world) seem to not know how to handle it... what is loss anyway?

The emotional aspects associated with investing and the negative sentiment associated with recognising a loss.

That's one definition I looked up....
My definition... loss is the absence or withdrawal of something you perceive to be of value.
the key word for me is perceive... you can ague 'reality' all you want, but you can't argue someone's perception, because it's theirs.

How do you handle loss? I'm trying to learn to do the pop psychology method of ...

>acknowledge>feel>time>acceptance.

but how much time do we need? and what is time anyway... what makes it time? lots of other losses or other events... why does it take so long for the brain to let go? I think when it's a part of our identity... when that's lost, it is very difficult to just grieve and let go as you need to build or fill that loss with something new, and that does take time for a lot of (to me) obvious reasons.

I had a very close friend ... distance themselves from me, for reasons that to me don't seem plausible, but regardless, this person was a big part in shaping my adult hood and how I think today... and now they are not there... a lot of time has passed and the worst thing about the whole process is, i'm not sure what I've lost... I have friends come and go, but this has really effected me. Another thought is that, although I am a massive advocator of 'hope'... there are rare circumstances where it is counter productive and maybe that's in play here... I can't do the process of grief because I have hope that it will be all back to how it was. so hope is the deferrer of the grieving process... Then I guess it just comes down to choice... what do I want to do? what can I control? and if I do move on... what's stopping me from letting them back in as time passes again?

So for me maybe there's a couple of types of losses...
Those losses that are absolute, ie, someone I cared about died.
Those losses that are intangible losses ie the early period of a job prospect that you don't ever hear back from.

So the first style of loss... for me, is easy to deal with, I use the modern Psych method, but what about the second style? I guess apathy solves a lot of problems, but some things you just invest to heavily and all your doing is pretending not to care. I guess this is why in the dating world it's 'safer' for your mental health to be dating multiple people to avoid caring too much about one person.

It doesn't sound like much of a solution, but maybe by trying to figure it out how to move on is one of the best ways to move on..... maybe.

Loneliness

Epidemic of loneliness... And for many it's not as easy as just connecting with friends and/or family... Identity loneliness is very real...  It's where your identity is not validated by the people around you... So you could be surrounded by people and yet feel like there's no one around,  no one to connect to,  no one that gets you... 

There was a time in my life where I didn't fit in anywhere and that may explain why I started to go down a path I probably shouldn't have...

http://psychologytoday.com/blog/the-squeaky-wheel/201409/is-marijuana-the-cure-loneliness

Beginners

The world I live in,  the people around me put a lot of pressure on themselves to just 'be good' but for most for most things,  it takes time and persistence to be good.

I want to take the thoughts out of my head and be good at summarising them and communicating them successfully to as many different types of people I can.

Was that a good start?

I'm just some guy who thinks a lot.

Being Proud of Someone Else

Are you allowed to be proud of someone else and their achievements? Of course you are but how does the other person feel?  Does it matter? Is pride of someone else designed to make us feel better or feel like some how we are apart of their accomplishments? So if a parent says to a child that they're proud of them, this sounds fine,  but if I shake someone's hand who's just won an award at the office for being best employee or something,  that seems a little strange to me...  But it's not wrong...  So I conclude with the question, what makes you 'proud' of someone elss. Is it right to be proud outside of a very close /authoritive figure relationship?