Stay or move?

Work where you live, or live where you work?

Memory Mind blown

Most memories aren't lost, but their triggers are.

Phelps 2016

After trying to spell sooty I remembered an old children's show I used to like and hadn't thought of it since I was a child - unless I did but have no trigger to remind myself haha

Therapy Explained In One Paragraph

We don't go to therapy because you are weak,  you go because you are strong.
What's the difference if you talk about it or not?
We vary rarely think in linear but to talk forces us to give the thought a beginning middle and an end. This makes as feel more control,  less fearful and makes the problem seem like less of a big deal because it is graspable. Imagine you see something in the dark,  it has a shape, a presence, it freaks you out - why does it freak you out? Because there are an infinite amount of possibilities including many threatening and dangerous possibilities... Turn the light on...  It's a cat. By shining a light on a million possibilities it sometimes becomes very obvious very quickly. Therapy shines a light on things inside your own mind, giving you a chance to see something that may not have been obvious before,  lost in the darkness of swirling thoughts and feelings...  The best thing is,  it's not the therapist that shines the light on these things,  but you,  they just help you find the light switch.

Nothing in life is as important as you think it is when you are thinking about it.

Nothing in life is as important as you think it is when you are thinking about it. This illusion applies to both delights and disappointments: You won’t be as excited about getting something you want once you get it, because once you get it, you will have it, and your attention will shift to other things.

Incest

My response.  To this article...  Am I right?  Am I wrong?  Probably both and neither.

http://mobile.news.com.au/lifestyle/relationships/genetic-sexual-attraction-18-year-old-woman-opens-up-about-marrying-her-father/story-fnet0gt3-1227188412830

Oh please...  Two consenting adults...  Was society not talking like this about gays 50 years ago (and shorter) have we not learnt,  just because you wouldn't do it,  doesn't mean others have to follow... Sure there are probably a lot of proven unhealthy psychological issues in play that are proven in many people,  but the act itself has nothing to do with us and by shaming people who are like this (who can't help it I suspect just like many other behaviors we have learnt to accept) just makes another skeleton in the closest for I suspect many many people. Would I do it?  god no!  Who's reading this would you?  Statistical no. But these people feel the way they do and in the western world...  If both parties are consenting, legal age,  and not hurting anyone by their choices,  then who are we to condemn?

Tough Love

What do you think about tough love?  I think maybe it's good for us sometimes... Do we or should we respect the person dishing it out...  I guess it depends on the motives.

There's a show called Sports Science... I'm not sure how reputable there are in the science world but they are a lot like mythbusters so I feel comfortable that their findings are accurate. The test was which coach gets the most out of their players,  the father like/praise and encouragement type,  or the pusher, punisher, aggressive to the point of abusive sometimes. Their conclusion was the latter got more out of their players. Take whatever meaning you like from that...  Maybe sports and regular life are different...  Maybe not?  Either way,  you have to push or be pushed to be great.  

Comfort in Pain?

I have a different angle thought....

If physical (coupled with thought) pleasure is more random and takes more and more to receive/enjoy it and our bodies change,  could physical pain be comforting because it's consistent? In a world and mind that is so unsure and inconsistent, could apart of the pain appeal be because it's guaranteed? Because it's simple and it's the same in any language?  And if you do get used to that level of pain,  isn't it much easier to control and increase the pain than to increase pleasure?
So if you are one of the individuals that 'get' this world and take delight in it,  in a way you are the luckiest of all because you'll enjoy it for the rest of your life if you choose... Guaranteed!

Creativity Slavery

Why do we want to control creativity?  Are we scared. I think because people don't know how or where they get their thoughts,  they fear that one day they'll lose it...  That's a real fear, Sting from the band The Police, has the fear of a blank note pad...  That fear of one day you just 'loose it'. It's interesting that kids don't have this fear...  Well not instinctively...  Its beautiful to just create and not worry about the end result,  just do it for the enjoyment of.

I think...  I think...  The worst thing you can do is have something spacific in mind and chase that...  Because you could be chasing your whole life,  chase the feeling instead!

Controlling Mind Games

Normal people doing their best and making normal mistakes.
It's said that modern education and learning techniques discourage and punish mistakes,  so we instinctively avid things that we might get wrong... 

Ever had that person in your life that is always on your back or criticising you? No matter how much you do right,  they'll make a big deal about that one tiny mistake.

Is there a chance they don't want us to get it right? They aren't over critical,  they are looking for your flaws and failures,  they could be deliberately setting you up for failure...  We all want to be praised and accepted so often we work harder to please the person who cannot be pleased. Maybe we should ask ourselves what these people's motives are...  And if it's not about the spirit of or the ethic of,  then chances are its not the mistakes that are the problem...  To them, you are the problem!

They are the one with the problem,  not you. Its their problem, not yours and don't let it be, don't let yourself play their games...  Stop trying to get it right for them,  because in their eyes you probably never will.

Pain, Punishment and Pleasure

Pavlok electric shock punishment

Crowd funding

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/pavlok-the-habit-changing-device-that-shocks-you

Promo video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LYvpvz_bzmI

I read an article today that really stood out.  I looked more into it and it's basically a company that wants to keep you accountable to yourself by punishing you when you don't do what you say you want to do.

Pain is iinevitable in life,  but I believe you can choose to a degree where when and how that pain happens. 

I like the idea,  there are two types of people,  those mainly driven by reward and those mainly driven by undesirable consequences...  'carrot or stick' philosophy. Both work,  it just depends on the type of person and the choices you make.

An explination I found:

First, you could dangle a carrot in front of the donkey, fooling the donkey into thinking that if he pulls the cart far enough, he’ll get to eat the carrot.

The second is to prod the donkey along the road by hitting him with a stick.

If the donkey is motivated by the ultimate reward of a carrot, the stick won’t be necessary,
but if he’s not really all that interested in carrots, then the stick will be employed.

Either way, through reward or through punishment, the cart driver gets what he wants.

Contributors Justin Taylor

Science says that pain and pleasure are in a lot of ways, intertwined,  a paradox where pain causes pleasure. 

http://m.livescience.com/27462-relief-makes-pain-feel-good.html

Some philosophers would say there is no pleasure without the contrast of pain.

I could go on as pain and pleasure is a passionate topic of mine,  but I'll leave you with one of my favorite quotes. 

Haruki Murakami: “Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.”

Different

What is different?

adjective

1.

not alike in character or quality; differing; dissimilar:

The two are different.

2.

not identical; separate or distinct:

three different answers.

3.

various; several:

Different people told me the same story.

4.

not ordinary; unusual.

yeah yeah, but what does it mean for me, or you to be different? and if so many of us are different, doesn't that make us kind of the same?

Can two people who are very different get along? Well maybe if they appreciate their differences but that means both people have to be the same in that particular belief, and perhaps in other ways be the same... So what are the parts/beliefs/choices that we can be different with, and get along? And what are the parts that we have to be the same in order to get along, to 'fit' together?

First Impressions

"We judge books by their covers, and we can't help but do it," says Nicholas Rule of the University of Toronto. "With effort, we can overcome this to some extent, but we are continually tasked with needing to correct ourselves." The less time we have to make our judgments, the more likely we are to go with our gut, even over fact, he says

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2014/02/140214111207.htm

I'm a massive fan of psychology, I've always wanted to become a psychologist, but is it possible there are just 'powers' that aren't quantifiable, other senses in play? I mean, what is 'fact' anyway? Science keeps changing the facts and all it's various data spin off genres like psych do the same.

I met 3 people last night... and I don't believe I need the 'facts' to get an idea of who they are as people... I could see in their eyes they were very kind, empathetic, aware, intelligent, strong sense of identity... maybe first impressions are so important is because all our senses are active in that moment and our 'gut' is one of them. I personally believe based on my life and interactions I have what the psych world calls 'people intelligence' (look below for explanation)... so I argue the paragraph at the top of the page... Is the 'fact' getting in the way of our gut judgement?
I get the general vibe of what they are trying to portray... 'don't judge and come to a conclusion and that's all they are and who they'll ever be' but the way both society and the science world's angle on this really have my gut feeling funny...

Some would argue... 'how do you know?, 'how do you know if they are kind and empathetic, aware, intelligent...' etc... well I don't, and I don't think often the individual residing in themselves knows for sure either, or other variables changes based on time, place, event and feeling can turn the most caring person into someone fighting for their life.
There's a wrong perception that most people 'know' they like that boy, they don't like that girl, I feel happy, I know what's wrong with my life... so many people don't know... they change their mind, they are insecure, they have fears and worries and chemical/hormonal changes and secrets and pasts.

What I will agree with completely is that we are all complex creatures, we are all capable of anything at any time, good or bad, we can and will change from moment to moment and year to year, nothing is certain... who we are in the now and who we choose to be is closest thing to 'fact' we may ever get.

People Intelligence.
People high in personal intelligence are able to understand personalities—their own and those of other people. They recognize clues about other people, form models of people that are relatively accurate, make choices taking into account their own and other people's personalities, and set reasonable goals. The key distinguishing feature of these individuals is their ability to solve problems related to understanding personality. These adept thinkers possess “abilities by definition”—and that is the key to identifying them.  

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-personality-analyst/201404/how-high-is-your-personal-intelligence

Loss

This thought came about when I lost a very detailed post yesterday, the android app likes to delete all the text you've typed when you stay out of the app window for too long... but I digress.

Loss is a part of life, but I think it happens way more than we acknowledge and we (in the english/western world) seem to not know how to handle it... what is loss anyway?

The emotional aspects associated with investing and the negative sentiment associated with recognising a loss.

That's one definition I looked up....
My definition... loss is the absence or withdrawal of something you perceive to be of value.
the key word for me is perceive... you can ague 'reality' all you want, but you can't argue someone's perception, because it's theirs.

How do you handle loss? I'm trying to learn to do the pop psychology method of ...

>acknowledge>feel>time>acceptance.

but how much time do we need? and what is time anyway... what makes it time? lots of other losses or other events... why does it take so long for the brain to let go? I think when it's a part of our identity... when that's lost, it is very difficult to just grieve and let go as you need to build or fill that loss with something new, and that does take time for a lot of (to me) obvious reasons.

I had a very close friend ... distance themselves from me, for reasons that to me don't seem plausible, but regardless, this person was a big part in shaping my adult hood and how I think today... and now they are not there... a lot of time has passed and the worst thing about the whole process is, i'm not sure what I've lost... I have friends come and go, but this has really effected me. Another thought is that, although I am a massive advocator of 'hope'... there are rare circumstances where it is counter productive and maybe that's in play here... I can't do the process of grief because I have hope that it will be all back to how it was. so hope is the deferrer of the grieving process... Then I guess it just comes down to choice... what do I want to do? what can I control? and if I do move on... what's stopping me from letting them back in as time passes again?

So for me maybe there's a couple of types of losses...
Those losses that are absolute, ie, someone I cared about died.
Those losses that are intangible losses ie the early period of a job prospect that you don't ever hear back from.

So the first style of loss... for me, is easy to deal with, I use the modern Psych method, but what about the second style? I guess apathy solves a lot of problems, but some things you just invest to heavily and all your doing is pretending not to care. I guess this is why in the dating world it's 'safer' for your mental health to be dating multiple people to avoid caring too much about one person.

It doesn't sound like much of a solution, but maybe by trying to figure it out how to move on is one of the best ways to move on..... maybe.

Beginners

The world I live in,  the people around me put a lot of pressure on themselves to just 'be good' but for most for most things,  it takes time and persistence to be good.

I want to take the thoughts out of my head and be good at summarising them and communicating them successfully to as many different types of people I can.

Was that a good start?

I'm just some guy who thinks a lot.