Are you worried about making the wrong decision or doing the wrong thing?

Most of the main problems come from not the choices you make or the things you do, but the choices you don't make and things you don't do.

Surviving politics

Political parties used to make their opponent the 'bad evil one' but now they make out something else to be the bad thing (that can't defend itself) which is also much easier to make sound like a horrifying monster, then blame the other side for not caring enough, not doing enough, not taking it seriously enough. This is fantastic when the monster is pretty close to what the other side believes or thinks is good, hitting them twice.
'survival bias' is strong with us. Please recognise most things aren't that bad, or if they are, why is there attention regarding it right now?

Big decision coming up?

Let your emotions subside before you decide

Procrastinate

“Most procrastination is caused by either fear or conflict,” says Christine Li, a clinical psychologist specializing in procrastination. Even if we’re motivated to accomplish a task, fear—of failure, criticism, or stress—pits us against ourselves. We want to finish the project, but we also don’t want our fear to become reality. “This conflict makes it seem like it would be unwise or even impossible to move forward,” says Li, “which explains why we sometimes procrastinate even when it makes no sense to do so.”

Just do something for 5mins,  and if you feel like stopping after that,  you can.

Secret to personal growth sumed up shorter than this title.

Be OK saying yes when you don't feel worthy,  and no when it's not worth it.
S Phelps

Why you avoid your deep issues

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.
- Michel de Montaigne 

It's very easy to forget why people try to forget things,  avoid,  deny,  refuse weighted importance, dismiss acknowledgement... It's hard work fixing something when you can just ignore it and hope it goes way...  Problems not related to our identity or sense of self often go away over time on their own,  however things that are intertwined with who we are or shaped what we are will never go away unless you take action that works (trying without a direction means nothing)

Before you judge someone for not 'fixing' their problem,  did you clean your room or your house when you said you would? Did you achieve your exercise goal or new year's resolution yet? 'fixing' or making something better is hard and it's a lot harder to clean a mind than it is to clean your house.

Stop Trying To Please Everyone!

You'll never not piss someone off with who you are and what you believe,  so instead of figuring out who to please,  maybe figure out who you'd rather piss off? I want to piss off people who want their own way with everything,  I want to piss people off who exploit others for their gain, I want to piss others off who want to rob dreams and hopes of others,  I want to piss people off who think it's OK to hurt others for their pleasure or wreck people's lives for a moment of hideous indulgence. I want to piss off the people who make the world a worse place for them being in it.

Have Peace in Change

If life has taught me anything is that nothing stays the same, and there's not much you can do to stop it,  but there's lots you can do to slow it down. Be still.

You're the problem and the solution

"Attitude trumps intelligence, passion trumps process but excuses trumps you."
S. Phelps

How To Move On Less Painfully

If you're having trouble moving on, remember: Letting go isn't loss,  it's allowing room for new.

Regressive Feeling Revealing Progression

Instead of first,  wait last.
Instead of revealing feelings in the middle of them...  Process them and when their impact has died down reveal then,  even though we feel like blurting it out in the moment, we can still reveal and disclose things but not when they're going to cause more harm than good.

Sharing feels always helps with inner peace but can sometimes cause otter peace,  you can have both, just delay the sharing so the feelings become a story rather than a moment.

Make it about you by not making it about you

Take a breath and acknowledge that 95% of what someone else does has absolutely nothing to do with you. Yes--even if you feel that they've talked about you, misused you or done you other wrongs, still their main concern isnot you. It's them. Trust this: realizing that other people with no "investment" in you also have no "interest" in you--and that their activity probably has nothing to do with you--is a big part of forgiving and being less paranoid. So spend extra time with this one idea:"Convince yourself that the other person is pretty ignorant when it comes to you and your feelings--and so, you need not worry about them!"

Don't destroy your peace for entertainment

What separates “boring” from “peaceful”?

Do you destroy your peace when really what you're trying to do is eradicate your boredom?

Secret society of the wise

William Scott Downey once wrote: “To keep your own secrets is wisdom; but to expect others to keep them is folly.”

JUST DO IT!

hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation), there is one elementary truth that ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one's favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.

William Hutchison Murray

A less aggressive,  more elegant way to say what Shia LaBeouf said.

When the person we're attracted to becomes unattractive

http://www.debriefdaily.com/relationships/not-attracted-to-wife/

My thoughts on this article about how a married man stopped being attracted to his wife as she gained weight.

First of all ladies,  this must be a terrible feeling and a major fear! I personally have had this happen to me,  not once,  but twice in my longest relationships...  They loved me but didn't find me attractive as time went on, they both literally said the words "I'm not attracted to you anymore"...  I'm old enough to know better now but when I was younger I just knew there were major problems with physical intimacy for a while leading up to it...
So here's the question...
Do we choose our family based on attraction? absolutely not,  what about friend work colleagues?  unconsciously maybe but probably not...  How bout just your friends,  or best friends? I'm guessing no. What do all of these have in common? You don't have to be attracted to them to have a good relationship,  but you do need to be attracted to them in a large way to desire physical passion. We're all attracted to different things and we can't fake it when we're not,  but that doesn't mean we don't love them...  It's complicated and really only the two individuals can come to a  decision on how to move forward. With me,  it meant the end of the relationship even though at the time I didn't want them to.

Final thoughts,  becoming unattractive is much more complicated than someone gaining weight,  rather its the personality of the person that starts to see themselves differently as they gain weight... Our outsides have a way of giving us a gimps what's on the inside - weight gain is one of many indicators that something is wrong, but not always... 
Most importantly, be the best you you can be for you,  regardless of size or the opinion of others.

False Envy

“Comparison is the thief of joy”

Do you look at others lives as your guide to where you should be...  Most people's lives are a lie...  Not to them necessarily but your perception of them.  Do you someone with a big house and a nice car and think they are successful....  Maybe they have uncontrollable debt,  or all of their children have disowned them,  or maybe they suffer from a serious condition.  There is so much we don't see,  we can't read minds,  we can't feel what they feel,  we don't know the costs of their life choices...  Don't envy someone if you're not prepared to make the sacrifices they made for their result...  Be you and who you are,  be kind to yourself, work on yourself and be proud at what you achieve.  Celebrate your successes, learn from your mistakes. Don't forget your past enjoy your present and focus on your future!

Controlling Mind Games

Normal people doing their best and making normal mistakes.
It's said that modern education and learning techniques discourage and punish mistakes,  so we instinctively avid things that we might get wrong... 

Ever had that person in your life that is always on your back or criticising you? No matter how much you do right,  they'll make a big deal about that one tiny mistake.

Is there a chance they don't want us to get it right? They aren't over critical,  they are looking for your flaws and failures,  they could be deliberately setting you up for failure...  We all want to be praised and accepted so often we work harder to please the person who cannot be pleased. Maybe we should ask ourselves what these people's motives are...  And if it's not about the spirit of or the ethic of,  then chances are its not the mistakes that are the problem...  To them, you are the problem!

They are the one with the problem,  not you. Its their problem, not yours and don't let it be, don't let yourself play their games...  Stop trying to get it right for them,  because in their eyes you probably never will.

Step back a little closer. Is your marriage doomed before it starts?

In the end, some partners feel that their problems will solve themselves in due time, or that their problems are “too small” to seek therapy for. Showing that time doesn’t necessarily heal all wounds, the median duration of a marriage ending in divorce in Australia was recorded at 12.2 years in 2011, with nearly 50,000 divorces being granted in the same year.

“It isn’t a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” — Friedrich Nietzsche

How long will yours last? Why? What will you do about it? Can you do something about it before you even start the relationship?

Maybe being truthful to yourself and about yourself,  being honest and acting on it.  Easier said than done. Don't be afraid of someone rejecting you for you in the first few dates,  because if you show them someone you're not,  they'll still reject you,  just a much longer time later.