The social tribe war is here

If we can't convince people our tribe is 'right' or 'the best' can we at least ally with others instead?

The social tribe war is here.
It's a strange time to be alive, anyone can find a very specific and niche tribe, and we're getting territorial, we're less patient, and if you criticise us, you must be our enemy.
It sounds a lot like the old days of literal tribes based on culture, geography and religion, it was very black and white, but we grew and understood other countries are different to us...

I wonder if we can borrow some lessons from history...

If you have a tribe, big or small, and another tribe does things that are completely different to your beliefs, could we maybe see them as our ally rather than 'you are with us or against us'
What's the most extreme different tribes you think you could ally with? That doesn't mean you agree with them and all they do, but they probably can't/don't hurt you? Why start a war because of differences, when you can ally and exist side by side happily doing what you both want to do.
Perhaps you'll need to hold two conflicting points of view simultaneously. Perhaps.

Goals out, systems in

Goals are good for planning your progress, while systems are good for actually making progress.

https://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/an-nearly-foolproof-way-to-achieve-every-goal-you-set-wed.html

You're wrong anyway, so...

https://goo.gl/images/kZMgzL

Instead of trying to be what others think you should, get to know who you are, what is your identity? What do you stand for? What do you want?

I'm a dick

Would you rather honest arrogance or false humility?

The mono problem of non monogamy

I love vox, they've just released a Netflix series and this first episode was about how unnatural it is to be monogamous... here's the video

https://youtu.be/DCGyLjBjuGI

I Love it, I think there's excellent points except one thing wasn't addressed... if it's so natural to not be monogamous... why is it people get so hurt and offended when the other partner does a non monogamous act?  Why does it trigger THE strongest emotion I've ever seen in people (*cough* Jerry Springer)? If something is natural, our feelings line up with our desires, and that doesn't happen with the majority of the population.

Had a few comments saying it's the childhood conditionings, social standards, pop culture etc.... My thoughts back.

Yeah great points and you're right, they do touch on at the start of the piece. 'Social conditioning' explains why someone feels bad when they 'cheat' or that guilt stops them, but as they said statistically it doesn't actually stop people from doing it, what I'm observing that nearly 100% of people don't like being cheated on... think about it, if one in 5 were in non monogamous relationships, wouldn't they be understanding back? Sex and 'love' (desire) always finds a way despite social conditioning, it just goes underground...
And if you're doubling down on 'but early in childhood we're shown this is what it is' we rebel against 20% of what we're conditioned to, and then we grow up and make our own choices and sometimes question feelings and go against those despite the fears. In fact there's many social circles who would not condemn you for not being monogamous.... it's harder being trans than it is to not be monogamous... And yet, we like the idea of us being free, but don't like the idea of our partner being the same to the point most would break up or end the relationship... That's so powerful!  It's not all surely inspired by a few fairytales and 'what society does and expects'.

Why do we put so much effort into unworthwhile things?

'Are you good at this?' ends up being a much stronger force than 'is this worth doing?'

Is the past really the past you remember?

Feelings have a way of fooling the present of the past

Most decisions are reversible

Are you really worried something bad might happen, or are you mistaking 'bad' for just 'inconvenient'?
Phelps

Will power always blowing up?

Pressure valve tactics mind organiser

The plan of the ideal, then the backup plan that allows the pressure to be released without the plan blowing up.
Have as many backup plans as you want.... each one releases more pressure until It's barely different from the regular instinct

Your perspective is so powerful

The mind can make heaven out of hell and hell out of heaven.

You could be PC while not being 'PC'

When we talk about ‘boys do this’ and ‘girls are like that’ the PC police come in – and they’re right, but there’s some truth behind clichés and stereotypes sometimes… I think I’ve figured it out.

I think of evolution – Darwinism – we are how we are for a survival advantage. So some things exist because it does or at least it did have a good reason to exist. I think a lot of stereotypes or labels we put on genres, cultures, sexes ect are the ‘default’ almost the pre-set of your DNA – but the beauty of the human race is we can go against the default responses, we can choose to be different to what we ‘are’ or our natural responses, we are not fixed – but that means work, and many will take the path of least resistance which is ironically evolutionary to a degree.

Girls are self-conscious about beauty which would have had evolutionary reasons of being able to pick the best mates with the best genes to survive, and the ones who didn’t, their genes may have died off, but not all girls today are self-conscious about beauty, whether by design or by instinct because arguably the evolutionary reason isn’t important for survival anymore. That doesn’t mean the default setting switches off for most though…. Not in our life time’s anyway.

Do you agree when you know you're wrong?

There are so many people concerned about defending and protecting their feelings that we rarely stop to think that we might already agree with them.
S. Phelps

If someone criticised you,  had you actually already throught the same thing? Why is it OK for us to be hard on ourselves then when someone else says aloud what we think,  we defend ourselves instinctively.

Powerful life motto

Don't believe everything you think.

Has our desire for more cost us more?

Once upon a time- a single income family working a 40 hour week could afford a home. Then one day Joe Bloggs thought- hey if I do overtime I'll get ahead! And he did! Then everyone thought- hey look at Joe. So everyone got on the band wagon. So now everyone need to work overtime to keep up. So Joes wife Jane thinks- hey if I work too then we get ahead! And they did! Surprise! Everyone thinks- look at Joe and Jane and jump in the band wagon. Then Jane starts working overtime and so on..
So now every house hold has to had 2 people working full time jobs and overtime just to buy that same home that a single 40 hour week income could buy.
We price ourselves out of the market because we do not value our own time enough, it is not sustainable and something has to give!

Just a comment I read tonight

Are you open or closed minded to people different to you?

http://bigthink.com/scotty-hendricks/everybody-is-a-little-bit-prejudiced-sometimes?

This is the best and most simple understanding of our world and interactions with it! So well said!

Sometimes there's more to life than we know

Lack of evidence doesn't always constitute lack of existence

Good or Bad? Feelings verses Facts

Do you associate yourself yourself as a good person by down playing your own feelings and needs. Do you feel like a bad person when you put your needs first?

Why?

Regressive Feeling Revealing Progression

Instead of first,  wait last.
Instead of revealing feelings in the middle of them...  Process them and when their impact has died down reveal then,  even though we feel like blurting it out in the moment, we can still reveal and disclose things but not when they're going to cause more harm than good.

Sharing feels always helps with inner peace but can sometimes cause otter peace,  you can have both, just delay the sharing so the feelings become a story rather than a moment.

Do You Think You Know?

"It's easy to know what you think, until you think about what everyone else is thinking."
S. Phelps

If you don't know who to believe, read this.

The man who knows he's right goes to great lengths to prove it. a man who is wrong goes to great lengths to discredit it.
S. Phelps