Want to be liked by everyone?

Lower others anxiety and pay attention.

Has our desire for more cost us more?

Once upon a time- a single income family working a 40 hour week could afford a home. Then one day Joe Bloggs thought- hey if I do overtime I'll get ahead! And he did! Then everyone thought- hey look at Joe. So everyone got on the band wagon. So now everyone need to work overtime to keep up. So Joes wife Jane thinks- hey if I work too then we get ahead! And they did! Surprise! Everyone thinks- look at Joe and Jane and jump in the band wagon. Then Jane starts working overtime and so on..
So now every house hold has to had 2 people working full time jobs and overtime just to buy that same home that a single 40 hour week income could buy.
We price ourselves out of the market because we do not value our own time enough, it is not sustainable and something has to give!

Just a comment I read tonight

What to do when life throws up problems

"When a challenge arises either play the game, change the game or don't play."
S. Phelps

Wanna be successful? Here's how!

Work, Sleep, Family, Fitness, or Friends: Pick 3

You can have it all. Just not all at the same time.

It Is Always OK To Question... ALWAYS!

"If you have to choose between me and someone else, pick them. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who is going to question if they made the right choice."

I read this in a picture quote from a site called Iheartintelligence

Question everything you read,  don't let the picture, quote, or reputation of something fool and mislead you.

My response to this quote.

I don't want to be with someone who doesn't think independently and question life long commitments, nothing is ever that good or that perfect to warrent never questioning!

To doubt is to be human,  to be afraid is to be human, to assess and weigh up is to be human, to question is what makes us human! In the history of humans communicating with primates, they answer our questions,  but they have never asked us a question.

I think the formal theory of why primates don't ask questions has something to do with, there is nothing to question because they aren't aware there is the possibility of more to the world beyond what they already know.

Bad Day, Just Because

Some days aren't very good, and sometimes there's no reason why they should be worse than any other day...  Why? Why do we need quantifiable events to make ourselves feel better about feeling bad? If there were no events to justify having a bad day,  then couldn't you argue that also events can't get you out of your bad day too? So what should you do? Ride it out? Talk about it? Avoid it? Or just abandon the day and start again tomorrow? Is there a chance something quantifiable has happened to make you have a bad day,  but it didn't register,  you didn't notice,  or it's a bigger deal to you than you give it credit for? I guess we need these days to help us not be complacent, keep us humble and reflective, to remind ourselves how good it feels to feel good.

The success in failing

Challenging life.

"I've missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times, I've been trusted to take the game-winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed." — Michael Jordan

Comfort in Pain?

I have a different angle thought....

If physical (coupled with thought) pleasure is more random and takes more and more to receive/enjoy it and our bodies change,  could physical pain be comforting because it's consistent? In a world and mind that is so unsure and inconsistent, could apart of the pain appeal be because it's guaranteed? Because it's simple and it's the same in any language?  And if you do get used to that level of pain,  isn't it much easier to control and increase the pain than to increase pleasure?
So if you are one of the individuals that 'get' this world and take delight in it,  in a way you are the luckiest of all because you'll enjoy it for the rest of your life if you choose... Guaranteed!

Different

What is different?

adjective

1.

not alike in character or quality; differing; dissimilar:

The two are different.

2.

not identical; separate or distinct:

three different answers.

3.

various; several:

Different people told me the same story.

4.

not ordinary; unusual.

yeah yeah, but what does it mean for me, or you to be different? and if so many of us are different, doesn't that make us kind of the same?

Can two people who are very different get along? Well maybe if they appreciate their differences but that means both people have to be the same in that particular belief, and perhaps in other ways be the same... So what are the parts/beliefs/choices that we can be different with, and get along? And what are the parts that we have to be the same in order to get along, to 'fit' together?

Loss

This thought came about when I lost a very detailed post yesterday, the android app likes to delete all the text you've typed when you stay out of the app window for too long... but I digress.

Loss is a part of life, but I think it happens way more than we acknowledge and we (in the english/western world) seem to not know how to handle it... what is loss anyway?

The emotional aspects associated with investing and the negative sentiment associated with recognising a loss.

That's one definition I looked up....
My definition... loss is the absence or withdrawal of something you perceive to be of value.
the key word for me is perceive... you can ague 'reality' all you want, but you can't argue someone's perception, because it's theirs.

How do you handle loss? I'm trying to learn to do the pop psychology method of ...

>acknowledge>feel>time>acceptance.

but how much time do we need? and what is time anyway... what makes it time? lots of other losses or other events... why does it take so long for the brain to let go? I think when it's a part of our identity... when that's lost, it is very difficult to just grieve and let go as you need to build or fill that loss with something new, and that does take time for a lot of (to me) obvious reasons.

I had a very close friend ... distance themselves from me, for reasons that to me don't seem plausible, but regardless, this person was a big part in shaping my adult hood and how I think today... and now they are not there... a lot of time has passed and the worst thing about the whole process is, i'm not sure what I've lost... I have friends come and go, but this has really effected me. Another thought is that, although I am a massive advocator of 'hope'... there are rare circumstances where it is counter productive and maybe that's in play here... I can't do the process of grief because I have hope that it will be all back to how it was. so hope is the deferrer of the grieving process... Then I guess it just comes down to choice... what do I want to do? what can I control? and if I do move on... what's stopping me from letting them back in as time passes again?

So for me maybe there's a couple of types of losses...
Those losses that are absolute, ie, someone I cared about died.
Those losses that are intangible losses ie the early period of a job prospect that you don't ever hear back from.

So the first style of loss... for me, is easy to deal with, I use the modern Psych method, but what about the second style? I guess apathy solves a lot of problems, but some things you just invest to heavily and all your doing is pretending not to care. I guess this is why in the dating world it's 'safer' for your mental health to be dating multiple people to avoid caring too much about one person.

It doesn't sound like much of a solution, but maybe by trying to figure it out how to move on is one of the best ways to move on..... maybe.

Being Proud of Someone Else

Are you allowed to be proud of someone else and their achievements? Of course you are but how does the other person feel?  Does it matter? Is pride of someone else designed to make us feel better or feel like some how we are apart of their accomplishments? So if a parent says to a child that they're proud of them, this sounds fine,  but if I shake someone's hand who's just won an award at the office for being best employee or something,  that seems a little strange to me...  But it's not wrong...  So I conclude with the question, what makes you 'proud' of someone elss. Is it right to be proud outside of a very close /authoritive figure relationship?