Change changes everything in unexpected ways

 When you ask someone to change, be careful. Usually you’re asking them to be more or do more. If they did succeed in changing to what you wanted, what then? More change? What happens when that succeeds? You and that person are now drifting away because in part you’re asking them to change so you don’t have to, you’re asking them to do more so you don’t have to do more. The divide gets larger. If this person really is doing all this changing and you’re not, aren’t you weirdly less now? Aren’t you falling behind? Aren’t you the stagnant one not capable of change? All the reasons you gave to that person in the first place to justify change, you are now yourself. 

Ok so maybe you think they were far behind your standards and now they’re about level. They’ll still have resentment or even contempt because they have movement, they are “better” or “more” than they were Yesterday, where are you at? The same. You can’t win unless it’s a journey together, you can’t get what you want unless you share the burden, different things perhaps but equal energy, equal struggle, equal hope and equal ownership. It doesn’t have to be equal in real terms it just has to be an attempt.

Stop asking people to change unless you ask in the same breath, “does this outcome interest you? what can i do for you? What can i trade with you? What can i do to help you? 

When to ignore and when to embrace change

Today is not deciding tomorrow, today is for grieving.
Today is not for grieving, today is deciding tomorrow.

Renew

Some things have to become a problem to show there's a problem. If you want change, sometimes you'll have to make it fail to get full support for change from others. Because if it's not falling for them, what do they care?

My feelings connected to your actions

Change the action of someone will change the feeling,  but what if we could change our action to change the feeling,  wouldn't you get the same result? So why do we want to change other things in people to change our feeling when there is other ways?

Change everything to suit us not changing

We spend so much time trying to charge everything around us while we stay fixed, why don't we just adapt to our surroundings?

Is radical change more painful than the pain in the now?

Is it more inhumane to make something change drastically even if it's for the better then to just leave it how it is knowing that they can handle it because of it handling it for such a long time?

Have Peace in Change

If life has taught me anything is that nothing stays the same, and there's not much you can do to stop it,  but there's lots you can do to slow it down. Be still.

Break up the routine, here's why.

Shake up the routine.

According to Sternberg, our interactions in close relationships tend to go along in well-worn grooves, called scripts. Most emotion is the result of some interruption of the script. Keep doing the same old thing, and you experience no emotion. But stop what you’ve always done, and, suddenly, someone feels. Sternberg says you can find out if a relationship is “live” by generating something unexpected, such as one of you going away o their own, or going on a vacation to a new place together. But sometimes it takes extreme action to realize how much intimacy there is, or was. Why not plan for occasional minor interruptions—so you don’t need a major one to wake you up?

Fight the change, be the change

Brain burning...  My term for something that is so impacting, you are never the same again (big or small,  better or worse) it's much easier to change this way than just wanting it and willing it.
Willpower is hard to make work for us...

http://lifehacker.com/5662132/youve-got-a-limited-supply-of-willpower-so-use-it-wisely

One of many anecdotal articles... I've seen hard evidence papers but can't find them right now.

Can you force a 'brain burn'? Or is a key ingredients of the burning surprise?

I had an event... nay, a sentence that changed me, very unexpected... Like a mirror i hadn't looked into for a while,  someone reflected a part of me that i hadn't noticed...  Once pointed out though,  it was quite evident. I couldn't not ignore it even if i wanted to because of its 'brain burning' properties...  Am I better or worse? Depends on your point of view,  but factually, definitely different.

We all have a sense of who we are (regardless of whether we can articulate it or not) and if that thought of ourselves is challanged and we accept the new premise... It can literally change our lives... For better or worse,  big or small.  Keep open minded to keep the opportunities of growing alive. By the way... open minded is the Willingness to change or accept a point of view based on facts or lack their of.