TYOA day 2

Feeling good,  fairly motivated,  1 km walk,  lots of water,  brown rice,  vegetables and nuts so far.

Last night I weighed myself at 99kgs I'll keep weighing to see how I'm going and to keep me accountable.  80kgs really suits me,  sometimes people say I look under weight at that level,  but 85 is the ideal...  Hell,  make it 84 so I have 15kgs to lose...  I've done it before,  I'll do it again.  Last time I became a vegetarian for 6 months and it worked amazingly well,  so I'm concious to not eat much meat and restrict factory produced food (obviously excluding washing and packing etc)

Been going well throughout the day...  Nearly had seconds at dinner,  served it up and put it back,  had water instead! Feeling proud...  Knowing I was going to post on this blog helped!

Update...  And after posting that,  my old man 'makes' me eat more...  It's hard to say no when food is shoved in your face however I have to learn how to say no...

The Nawing in my Head

Unhappiness comes from comparison of others. When you are compared to others you will lose,  and so will they,  there's always someone with a skill that's better than yours and you'll always have a skill that's better than there's. We just have to be the best person we can be and believe and hope that's enough for ourselves and others.

If disclosure beings connection,  then creating things you wouldn't disclose to others with someone must bring an even deeper connection.

Secrets withheld from one another create isolation.

A secret world that's a bit of a fantasy can be exciting,  personal and connecting...  But when you watch someone else do that it brings distance and loneliness.

All any of us want is to give and receive love unconditionally and feel safe to do so.

Take Your Own Advice (TYOA 1)

It's time to take my own advice,  I want and need to become more healthy,  lose weight and gain strength and fitness.  I do not lack in knowledge,  I do not lack in technique,  hell I do not even lack in experience,  I lack in action,  I lack in dedication and consistency.

So I am keeping myself accountable by posting here and being honest with myself,  I'm the only one who loses by being dishonest with myself.

I choose to take this path for several main reasons.
I value my mind more than my body,  but my mind relies on my health,  state of mind which is tied to my body,  you are what you eat,  exercise helps the mind be clear and sharp!
I value my girlfriend, Tess,  she deserves a healthy and head strong man who happens to also have a body which she is proud of.  I choose to do this because she accepts me where I'm at,  and that inspires me to be better.

I need to post my failures and my successes as they happen,  get up and do something about my situations,  be proud of my efforts and even if I stumble,  get back up and keep going.

I have 1 year till my partners major milestone birthday - I want to lose 20kg or if not losing that much,  at least converting to tone and muscle.

I think in 6 months I'll do really well if I keep the path.  In future posts I'll let you know what I'm up to and how I'm doing it...

To start I've done a 1.2km walk and I've eaten rice,  vegetables,  soy sauce cottage cheese and nuts with ginger tea and honey. Over ate a little bit,  need to serve in smaller bowls.  Drink water more if hungry.

I enjoyed my walk while watching 30 rock.

I finished brain training but need to do more HIT training each day,  especially seems it's short

Until next time!

Two Lies Make A Truth

You sometimes have to lie to a really anxious person to calm them down, because anxiety lies to them about reality.

The Inequality of the Definition of Equality

There are two sorts of equality... 

Definition 1. Everyone is equal today. The same level of importance and opportunities.

Definition 2. Everyone wasn't equal yesterday so we will assist those people a little more today to truly balance the differences to eventually have equal opportunities.

An example of my own life.

I am a sound engineer.

Definition 1 says that I and anyone else have the equal opportunity to become that,  get the same wage when they do and be treated the same.
Definition 2 says, we need to make it easier for other people who have not had the history or opportunities in this field. I as a white male have history on my side which makes it easier for me today to be apart of that world and once I'm in that world I am perpetually accepted because there are others like me,  thus keeping the white male club strong.

The sound engineer example again.  I had a much easier time to get into it because my dad was in music...  It wasn't the same thing and I still worked very hard independently to get to where I got, but arguably without that slight advantage I may have never made it.  This is the same for white males...  Because they have been there before,  set the rules and benefited from perpetual cultures (a la the rich get richer).

So what definition 2 says it's not just about equality in the moment,  but the bigger picture of past present and future.  To put it another way... If you watch some sport towards the end of the game and the opposition to your team scores twice,  it would be fair to think your team is losing, only it's not,  your team is way ahead and they can afford to relax a bit and they still are way ahead on the score board.

If we are fighting about two different types of definitions of equality we will struggle to make progress.

What Women Want

"Care about me first, then care about my body."

Or

"desire me first,  then desire my body"

A thought I had about what women may want?

"American Smile"

"I'm a Russian native and we don't smile because back home it is considered fake to smile just for the sake of being polite / to please others / to look good etc. In our culture, you smile only when you truly are having a very happy moment. In Russia, "American smile" is another word to define a fake smile, the one you put on your face no matter how you truly feel at that moment. This is just one of those "cultural differences" that take time to get used to."