The Inequality of the Definition of Equality

There are two sorts of equality... 

Definition 1. Everyone is equal today. The same level of importance and opportunities.

Definition 2. Everyone wasn't equal yesterday so we will assist those people a little more today to truly balance the differences to eventually have equal opportunities.

An example of my own life.

I am a sound engineer.

Definition 1 says that I and anyone else have the equal opportunity to become that,  get the same wage when they do and be treated the same.
Definition 2 says, we need to make it easier for other people who have not had the history or opportunities in this field. I as a white male have history on my side which makes it easier for me today to be apart of that world and once I'm in that world I am perpetually accepted because there are others like me,  thus keeping the white male club strong.

The sound engineer example again.  I had a much easier time to get into it because my dad was in music...  It wasn't the same thing and I still worked very hard independently to get to where I got, but arguably without that slight advantage I may have never made it.  This is the same for white males...  Because they have been there before,  set the rules and benefited from perpetual cultures (a la the rich get richer).

So what definition 2 says it's not just about equality in the moment,  but the bigger picture of past present and future.  To put it another way... If you watch some sport towards the end of the game and the opposition to your team scores twice,  it would be fair to think your team is losing, only it's not,  your team is way ahead and they can afford to relax a bit and they still are way ahead on the score board.

If we are fighting about two different types of definitions of equality we will struggle to make progress.

My Pain Is Worse Than Yours?

Who's pain is worse? The person feeling it.
S. Phelps

Do Women Really Want Equality?

Do women really want equality?

https://medium.com/@NikitaCcoulombe/do-women-really-want-equality-4374910f2236#.f5qqea2os

A productive headline for sure,  which is why I clicked,  but turns out to be a well written article.
This is more about surface life rather than deep wounds from the past or personal incidences man v woman.

For me and my thoughts over the years I'd say 80% I agree with (8 out of every 10 statements)
I still think the ultimate goal for all genders is to have choice, we don't want our past to stand in the way of what we want, we don't want the present to stand in the way of what we want,  and we certainly don't want to see someone get what they want while we go without because of things we didn't choose (gender, age, race, sexual orientation, religion) as long as our choices don't hurt others for our gain (which is how we got inequality in the first place) then choice is equality definition. Let men and women have their choice,  let's have that kind of equality.... So do women really want equality?
Yes.

Let's see each other not as gender but as humanity.

We need to teach our sons the difference between:

a woman who compromises him and a woman who will compromise with him

a woman who will stand on him and a woman who will stand with him

a woman in need of a parent and woman in need of a partner

a woman who expects everything from him and a woman who respects everything about him

Then we need to teach our daughter's to be that women.

Men V Women.
How to tell when it's a fair point? Reverse the genders...  If the advice is both true and powerful regardless of if it's directed at male or female...  It is not about gender, rather about humanity

The difference between collective and individual.
A man raping a women is an individual action, the attitude towards it is collective.
A women belittles a man to the point of suicide is individual action, our response is collective. Both are important,  but to swap individual and collective is deadly.

A man who raped a women turning into a collective is men can't be trusted, all are potential rapists...  Then a man defends that he and others like him are a good guy with the swap,  he is now and individual which means he holds no weight or authority only making him and his kind more guilty.

We may never get rid of individuals actions,  but our goal as a collective is to be surprised about male / female inequality, to be surprised when a man does something to a women (or the other way round) that we are surprised and shocked that a women got attacked at night in a park by herself...  Let's be surprised as a collective that a man does something bad against a women and distrust the individual not the whole gender.

"People can't give you what they don't have"

A couple of interesting quotes that got me thinking...

"People can't give you what they don't have"

How many times do we want something and want someone to give it to us when deep down we know they can't - like someone admitting they are wrong but they will never have the ability to see that,  or a mother wanting their child to be super grateful for the sacrifices she made,  but they'll never reach that realisation to the degree the mother wants, or the daughter wanting a close relationship to the astranged father when he's never had a healthy relationship in his life, or a woman who has been abused by a man and wants her partner to give back what she's lost...  Or maybe a husband wants his wife to understand him more, but she is who she is and would have to change who she is to understand or 'get him' more... Which leads me to an interesting second quote...
Antero Alli, an obscure author, wrote, “communication is only possible between equals"
Do you agree? I try to learn how to think dumber so I can communicate with 'dumb' people...This quote sums up what I am trying to do,  I was trying to be like the person I wanted to communicate with... Maybe that's why so few can communicate in a relationship, many seem unbalanced,  which we jokingly describe as 'who wears the pants' with that quote alone you are saying you are not equal,  one has power while the other follows... Maybe it's time to be equal,  and if you can't, try to be equal in the moment...