Stop Trying To Please Everyone!

You'll never not piss someone off with who you are and what you believe,  so instead of figuring out who to please,  maybe figure out who you'd rather piss off? I want to piss off people who want their own way with everything,  I want to piss people off who exploit others for their gain, I want to piss others off who want to rob dreams and hopes of others,  I want to piss people off who think it's OK to hurt others for their pleasure or wreck people's lives for a moment of hideous indulgence. I want to piss off the people who make the world a worse place for them being in it.

My Pain Is Worse Than Yours?

Who's pain is worse? The person feeling it.
S. Phelps

Accidental Relationship Sabotage

Why do people rush into marriage? Why do they rush into living together or rush to having a family?
Why do people hold off getting married, or moving in together,  why do people resist even being in a relationship in the first place?

The answer to both why we speed up and why we slow down is the same.  Fear.

The reason you avoid being close to someone is to avoid being hurt.
The reason you rush into commitments is because you're locking things down before that person can get away.

The same thing is going on in both situations,  we are trying to have power and control over over a situation to avoid possible pain.  The problem is "he who fears he shall suffer,  already suffers what he fears".
The problem is,  the more you focus on the fear and what you don't want to happen,  the more you feed the beast. It's like quicksand, the more you do to prevent the pain you're trying to avoid,  the faster it makes you sink into it.

I don't blame people for how they behave... If there was a countdown to putting your hand on a hot plate, in that time,  wouldn't you do actions to try and avoid that outcome?

Do Women Really Want Equality?

Do women really want equality?

https://medium.com/@NikitaCcoulombe/do-women-really-want-equality-4374910f2236#.f5qqea2os

A productive headline for sure,  which is why I clicked,  but turns out to be a well written article.
This is more about surface life rather than deep wounds from the past or personal incidences man v woman.

For me and my thoughts over the years I'd say 80% I agree with (8 out of every 10 statements)
I still think the ultimate goal for all genders is to have choice, we don't want our past to stand in the way of what we want, we don't want the present to stand in the way of what we want,  and we certainly don't want to see someone get what they want while we go without because of things we didn't choose (gender, age, race, sexual orientation, religion) as long as our choices don't hurt others for our gain (which is how we got inequality in the first place) then choice is equality definition. Let men and women have their choice,  let's have that kind of equality.... So do women really want equality?
Yes.

Your confirmation bias to me?

If I get respected and famous in the field of psychology, all of my blog posts become 'great' or 'inspired' or the making of a star,  or maybe it's just confirmation bias and they are all just terrible?! Or you've never heard of me and think they suck when some of my thoughts lead me to changing the world forever?!

The Human Evolution Paradox

I wish politicians would focus on how they are "good" rather than why everyone else is "bad."

Sorry but it's democracy at work...  It's our collective fault...  We often vote against who we don't like rather than voting for who we do... It's said it's much easier for us to decide what we don't like rather than what we do. The theory of why is we take more notice of threats than friends (evolution). As the political parties have done more market research over the last 50 years, they're just responding to us and our behaviors,  unfortunately with the amount of data mining on human behavior, it's now self perpetuating, un-evolved instincts continually poked by our modern genius...  Surely humanity's most humble paradox.

How Do You Know When To Trust?

How do you determine trust? How do you know when someone is trustworthy; worth giving time to; investing in; sharing with? What is the silent measure and how is it gained and lost? What are the thresholds between caution and carelessness, protection and paranoia?

Short answer...  We don't, none of us do, but to not trust on even basic levels would mean the end of your life, I trust that the house I am in does not collapse, that the food I eat is not poison, that the car coming the other way doesn't crash into me...  So why do I trust those obvious things but not little things...  Well conditioning mainly but at the heart of it trust is two things coming together...  Patterns and accountability. I trust my house, my food and my fellow drivers won't kill me because it hasn't happened yet out of a large amount of experience and even if something dose happen it's so rare that it could be considered an anomaly (but for some even one time is enough to break the trust, depending on a variety of factors for a different topic). The second reason of accountability is the most reliable method of trust...  There's an expression "follow the money" which sums this up perfectly. Why does my food not poison me? Because the people providing it to me stand to lose more than me,  why does the car divers don't try to kill me? Their lives are more important than mine. Why does my house not collapse over my head? The people involved stand to lose to much if they don't do it correctly and same with all the people's jobs to keep these people accountable, they can lose their jobs and income, their ways of life.
So after seeing some patterns and following the thread of accountability also known as "what's in it for them" by lying to you they stand to gain no benefit, then your fine. If I had not such a complicated answer I'd probably be a lot richer or be a secret government agency spy...

If you want to catch a liar don't try the body language crap and eye position stuff,  it's too floored and means multiple things (like looking up is the brain activating visual information which yes could be creating a story in order to tell you back, but much more likely it's recalling things you've already seen)

If you really think someone is lying to you,  get them to tell their story in reverse order, if they made it up on the spot, it's hard to work in reverse linear, but not too hard if it's legit. It's a CIA trick.
Happy liar hunting y'all!