It's an explanation, it's not an excuse.

A comment to 'when men raise their voice, it's because they feel they aren't being obeyed'.

There might be two different things going on here (we're going to leave nature debates out of this, super complicated), sometimes these two are combined, sometimes not.

One is conditioning based on culture, upbringing - just seeing it as that's just how it is. There's no rhyme or reason.

So the good news is we rebel against about 1 in 5 nurtured habits as we become adults, so 20% have a chance to break free 'easily' while the other 80% will need social cues and relearning, which is really difficult, but not impossible.

The second is much worse because it comes from a place of fear. Fear of what? Being found out. Imposter syndrome. How is that relevant in relationships and interactions?

Lucky you, you're about to find out - this is a pattern amongst all people across all sorts of genres, it just so happens this genre and these people are far more damaging in the now, and across generations. So what are they afraid of exactly, what are they hoping no one finds out about?

Let me ask you this? Do you love yourself? Do you even like yourself? Would you enjoy spending all week with you?

For some, they do like themselves, cool! For others, they don't, at all. When someone likes or even loves the person who hates themself, after a while they start to feel like they have to keep up an act, because if the person truly got to know them, they'd see what you always feared.

Fear. They are in a way, incompetent of being themselves. Think of an incompetent boss or manager, same behaviour, but not the same level of personal destruction (usually). We're not very good humans when we're scared. Fear - it's not rational, it's not considered, it does not pick up on subtlety and it does not conform to social expectations. It's not an excuse, it is an explanation.

Explanations are needed to inform the direction of change. Don't get furious, get curious. And yet furry let's us know something is wrong, so the path for some is furry, it let's others know things are not ok and that's just as important... But furry can't explain why, curiosity does.

When someone doesn't know who they are, what they stand for, who their identity is, they are always going to feel like they're pretending, and for many, they will lash out when they feel like they're being exposed as the fraud human being they feel they are.

So the next time anyone yells at you, see if there is fear in their eyes while they're getting angry over 'nothing'.
It's only an explanation, it's not an excuse.

"Sam, please, we're just having some observational truth bomb pitchfork media meme times." #DontBringFactsToAFeelingsFight